La Petite Fleur

Désespoir

Author's Note: So sorry for not updating sooner. I ran into some writer's block. It was less like a block and more like a brick wall though. So again, sorry for not updating sooner but I hope the next couple chapters can make up for that.

---------------------------------------------

He sat in a chair, staring mindlessly at an invisible point on the wall while a nurse bandaged his arm. Most of his other scrapes and bruises had healed but the bullet wound hadn't stopped bleeding until now.

But none of that bothered him. In fact, he was numb. All the precautions he'd taken, everything he'd done to prevent this from happening had backfired. Every promise he'd ever made had blown up in his face and now she hated him.

He should have told Antoinette the truth while he had the chance. And now it was gone.

As soon as they'd reached the hospital, Antoinette had been rushed to the ER and Romanoff had sat with him for awhile. Her silence had been appreciated, but now, after she'd left without giving a reason, he desperately wanted someone who could give him any amount of advice. Agent Romanoff's advice would be quite welcome this time.

When the nurse finished, she left Steve alone and he rubbed the stiffness from his neck. But the injuries from the battle weren't the worst of the pain. The guilt that had been hovering above his shoulders since spring had finally come crashing down.

It was all his fault.

If he'd only told her the truth from the beginning, they wouldn't be here now.

He shook his head and rested his elbows on his knees. He sat like that for the longest time before Agent Romanoff appeared soundlessly in front of him. She'd mumbled that she'd left to call Fury and report what had happened but the call had taken longer than she'd expected.

"What did he say?" he ventured, not entirely wanting to know what the Director said.

She sat beside him before replying. "He's glad we wiped out the threat but...he's irate that you risked Antoinette."

"I-"

"I know. But he doesn't. If you'd like to talk to him yourself, he might understand but I don't suggest it," she advised.

Steve nodded and exhaled the breath he'd been holding to keep himself calm. He couldn't talk to the director about what happened because then he'd have to reveal that he got attached. And then there'd be a steep price to pay for directly disobeying orders by taking Antoinette to the catacombs. Not to mention his bluff that almost got her killed.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and gritted his teeth. Nothing. He could say nothing to Director Fury that would solve the problem of getting attached and disobeying orders. He could say nothing to Antoinette to make her hear reason; that he'd done everything for her sake. But now that everything was nothing too.

Now more than ever, Steve wished he'd never taken the jet into the ice. But he couldn't change the past no matter how much he wished he could. What was done was done and he could only fix what was in front of him now. Taking a deep breath, he steeled his resolve and stood.

"Where are you headed?" Natasha asked.

"Nowhere. I just need to move," he replied in a clipped tone, beginning to pace the hallway. The rhythmic sound of his footsteps on the white tile helped bring his thoughts into subjection. He just had to keep things under control until he could talk to Antoinette, but he didn't know how long that would be. When his arm began to ache, he ignored it and continued his pacing until the hallway quieted and he was fighting to keep his eyes open.