Daddy's Little Girl

c h a p t e r 20

(Paris:) 

“Nice work today, crew. We’ll meet again tomorrow at 9 in the morning to finish up the video.” Gq said, getting up from his director’s chair.

I exhaled and squatted down, taking the straps off my heels. I was tired as fuck and I just wanted to go home.

The whole week of the video shoot, I’ve been avoiding Gq and the stares he gives me.

I never texted Gq after the last time I was over his house, which was a couple of weeks back. He’d text me every morning, afternoon, and then night. But, he eventually stopped when he realized I wasn’t texting him back.

I was happy to know that after me and him did what we did, he didn’t tell the public. No one knew but us two. I was also happy that after we did what we did, he didn’t just stop fucking with me.. or trying to. I wasn’t a fuck and duck to him, and that had me thinking that what he was telling me that day was true.. but I still hadn’t regained trust from nigga’s words.

As much as I tried to, I couldn’t get him off my mind. I was avoiding him, only because I had grown to start liking him. It’s like he filled the empty spot Rios left on my heart, and I liked that. He wasn’t like Rios, but in some ways, he still reminded me of him. But, the majority of the time I thought of him, I was thinking about ‘him,’ not Rios.

I didn’t think I liked Gq, but the way I reacted when I saw him looking at another girl on the set or when he spoke to one, I would immediately get furious. I wanted to whoop the girl’s ass, but I couldn’t. What would be the point? All I would do is act salty towards the girl, but that’s it. 

Stepping out of my heels, I placed my feet flat on the concrete ground. I picked up my heels and suddenly felt something being lifted off of me, so I knew Gq had just took his eyes off of me. I let this be my opportunity to look around, and my eyes fell upon him. 

He sat in his director’s chair, looking good as ever. His elbow was on his left leg as his fingers brushed the tip of his goatee. His golden grill was shining as he smile at the model who was too close to him for my liking.

She wore the exact same dress as mines, but hers was blue and purple with an aztec design that covered it. It was a skin tight tank dress that stopped inches above her knee, which made her ass poke out and made my mug grow harder.

“Them eyes ain’t playin, homegirl, damn.” One of the models named Clair said to me, snapping me out of my daze.

I shook my head and laughed, trying to play off my intense glare on the two. She laughed at my unfortune, “If that’s yo man, you better get his ass.”

That was the problem. Gq wasn’t my man, and the way I been ducking him, he’s probably tired of me. If I was him, I wouldn’t keep chasing the same ass woman who won’t give me no time of day.. I’ll move on. “Nah, Gq ain’t my man.” I simply stated, starting to walk off with Clair walking right beside me.

“Aight, I hear you, but you been looking at him the whole while we been shooting this video and he been giving you the same ass looks. I ain’t no stalker, but I love observing shit.” She said, and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t want anyone feeling our animosity.

I looked back over to Gq to see the bitch whispering in his ear, and he was smiling. This whole week I haven’t made a move or even seemed like I wanted to go talk to him.. but that just shut me down. Narrowing my eyes, I handed Clair my heels. “Hold this for me, girl.”

Before I could even think straight, my legs were already moving towards Gq and this bitch. I was telling myself to turn around cause I was gon make a fool of myself, but my legs said to keep walking and swing if neccessary.

Reaching where they were, Gq looked at me and his eyes were like a hawk on me. I didn’t look at him at all because my eyes were fixed on the bitch who had her lips to his ear. When Gq moved his ear away, she finally looked over at me. “Excuse me, baby. I got things to discuss with my manager that are far more important than you hoein for a raise over here.” I said, moving her out the way so I could claim her spot and she reluctantly moved.

She looked at me with a twisted face before speaking, “Hoein? Bitch, you been making googly eyes at him since we started this video!” She yelled, making me bust out laughing.

“See, I ain’t the type to fight over no nigga, but you better fall the fuck back on that ‘b’ word.” I said, straight up. I wasn’t the fighting type of girl, but if she wanted it, she could get it.

Gripping the scrunchie around her wrist, she tied up her hair. “Jump bad then.” She suggested, and I took her up on her proposal.

But, before I could even pop the bitch in her mouth, Gq got up and stood in front of me to where his back was facing me and he was looking at her. It seemed as if his presense didn’t faze her, cause the bitch was still talking shit. “Nay, chill the fuck out. Both of ya’ll. I outda suspened both of ya’ll while ya’ll tryna fight on my set. I can replace ya’ll in a heartbeat, trust. Nay, it’s time for you to go anyway. I’ma hit you up to see if I even still want yo ass in my video.”

She looked from me to Gq, then gasped. “What about her?”

“What about her? Worry about yourself, lil ma. Nah go, or I already got my decision for your coming back.” He said to her. She opened her mouth to say something else, but nothing came out. Turning around, she looked at me one more time before fuming down the pathway to her trailer.

After the girl was out of sight, Gq slowly turned around and looked down at me. I was wearing the same dress the other bitch was wearing, but mines was in black and white and looked way better on me than her. My feet were bare, and I had my hair pulled into a messy bun. Anytime I was around him, the insecurites my body held suddenly disappeared.

Not looking up at him, I looked down at my feet until he decided to speak. “What you want, Paris?” He asked me in a tone I ain’t never heard him use before. It seemed as if he was irritated, and that caused me to look up at him, his eyes pulling me in.

Raising my eyebrows, I folded my arms underneath my chest. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I didn’t know what I wanted from him, I didn’t even know why I walked over there. I just didn’t want that girl to fuck with him. After she left, I didn’t need anything from him. I was jealous..

“You gon say something?” He asked me, and when I just stood there and stared into his eyes, he continued to speak. “Paris, I told you how I felt about you that day when you came over my house. Yeen never text me like how you said you would, and when I tried to fuck with you, you ducked my ass like I said you would. It’s going on three weeks and four days since that happened, and you refuse to even look my damn way. You a lil lady, baby, I know it even if you don’t. You got alot to learn, especially that when you decided yeen gon fuck with a good nigga no more, he gon get tired of waiting. I know I ain’t been waiting for forever, but I can’t stand to be around you without you saying nothing.”

I ducked Gq for a reason. I didn’t wanna get hurt again, and he knew it. He was trying his best to show me that he won’t hurt me, but first he gotta show me why I should trust niggas first.

He looked down and stared at me, waiting for me to respond. When I didn’t say anything, he shook his head and smacked his teeth. Curling his lip up into a slight mug, he said, “You ain’t even worth it.” He gripped the front of his pants and turned around to walk away.

My first instinct was to grab his hand, and I did. “Gq-” He interrupted me by snatching his hand out of my grasp and not even looking back at me as he started to walk.

I felt my tears burn the back of my eyes. I didn’t want him to go. I loved his presense, no matter if he was angry or not. Him being with me just made me feel good.. but then, bad. It was the same feeling I had with all my ex’s.

Not wanting to look like a thirsty ass bitch, I stood there and watched his back as I blurted everything out. “I didn’t want you going back and telling the public what we did,” He stopped and slowly turned around as I continued talking, “I don’t even know you like that. I mean, yes, I know you, but I don’t know your past, what dirty shit you’ve done. For all I know, you probably video taped the whole thing. These weeks I haven’t talked to you, I realized you’re not that type of person. Another reason why I haven’t talked to you was because I thought it would be awkward. I wanted us to start off as friends, but I know that we can’t be that now. Either we’re friends with strong ass benefits or in a relationship. Since that’s the case, you already know how I feel about shit like that. I don’t wanna be hurt again, and I know you’re trying to show me you won’t, but first I gotta find a reason why I can trust niggas.”

By this time, he was only a few feet away from me. I looked up at his face while he looked at mines. “You gave me the word to help you, but you ignoring me ain’t helping you.” He said.

“How are you gonna make me start trusting niggas?” I placed my hand on my hip and dropped my weight.

He ran a hand down his face before looking at me again. “If you gave me these weeks I could have-”

“That’s what you’re not understanding. You alone can’t make me trust men. Just because you’ll act sweet to me doesn’t mean all men are. My previous-” I was cut off.

His vein began popping out of his neck, “And, that’s what yeen understanding! It’s previous for a reason, meaning before. Back then. Gone. Away. Dead, damn, let it go.”

I looked at him like he was crazy, “Let it go? I loved that man, he took my virginity, G! I can’t let that go.”

He stared at me as I saw his anger subsiding. His eyes lowed and his veins were back into him. He looked at me as he backed away, “Well, if you can’t let that go, then I’ma have to go.”

As he walked away, I got the shudder fear of lonliness. It felt as if he was walking away from me for forever, as if he was never to return. As I previously stated, I felt good around him. Like.. a new person. That moment we shared that day at his house made me realize something: I could leave him alone, but I couldn’t leave him alone.

Turning around and walking away, he slowly left. I let my legs think and not my head, as they followed him. “Gq, don’t go.” I said, catching up with him and grabbing his wrists. Like before, he snatched away and continued walking.

I didn’t walk after him, nor did I cry. I stood there as he got smaller, until he went into his trailer..

Then, I screamed.

I screamed, yelled, swore, everything as I stood there thunderstruck. The others on the set either looked or came and asked me what was wrong, but I didn’t reply. Only turned on my heels and furiosly walked to my trailer. On the steps of going into my trailer, my heels sat there. I picked them up and threw them to the side. Fuck them, fuck everything.

Keeping up my emotional outburst, I grumbled as I went into my trailer and began demolishing everything. Starting with my clothes, I took everything off the hangers and threw them around. I grabbed all of my heels and, one by one, began breaking off each heel. It felt.. good.

Going over to my makeup vacancy, I swiped all the makeup, jewlery, everything off the table. I raised my hand to shatter the mirror, but my reflection put it on pause. I looked at myself, but.. I didn’t see myself. I saw someone else. But, the funny thing about who I saw, was that it was the exact same person Gq described he saw when he looked at me. And, I was seeing her. 

Watching my bottom lip tremble, I burst out into tears as I sat down in my chair. I was hurting myself, emotionally. I think to myself that I’m not Paris Hendrix without a nigga by my side, so I’m letting niggas control my life. No matter how hard I try to stay away from the men, somehow I’m always drawn back to them. I can’t stay away. I just wonder if my father stayed in my life from the time I was fifteen, would I be in this predicament? Would I be chasing nigga’s love? Would I continue to get myself emotionally beat up by them? Nah.. that’s not the way he raised me. That’s not the way Marten Hendrix raised me.

With tears still rolling down my eyes, I looked in the mirror to see my grabber in the back. Since I was short as hell and my dressers are tall as fuck, I had a grabber to grab stuff I couldn’t reach. Looking at the silver metal rod, I got off my ass and went for it. I took it in my hands and threw on my basic flip flops. I left my trailer with only one thought on my mind.. revenge.

I closed my door behind me and looked around to see everyone getting in and out of their trailers or going to their cars, but what caught my eye was Gq’s trailer that was right in front of his car.

I began my walk towards it, and of course, people tried to stop me to ask what was wrong. Ignoring them completely, I didn’t stop walking until I reached my destination. Standing in between Gq’s trailer and his car, I held the grabber firmly inside my hands as I stared at his door.

My first instinct was to go in and batter him senseless, but taking another glimpse at his car changed my mind, and with a hard swing, I broke his driver’s side window.

I didn’t know why Gq was trying to be a boss ass nigga and walk away from me like I ain’t shit, when he heard about me almost killing Rios. I wouldn’t have even tried to fuck with my ass, but he took the chance, and what does he get in return? All of his windows on his newly released Beamer shattered.

After the first window was broken, everybody came rushing to see what was happening. But, seeing a crying, mixed woman had them thinking overwise to interfere. They knew the car was their boss’.. so, they did exactly what I woulda did: walked my ass away like ain see or hear shit.

I had already broken the driver’s window, passenger’s window, backseat windows, and I was working on the tail window. Everything was being relieved off of me as I continued my bashing.. everything. I couldn’t hit the nigga, so might as well hit his car.

I was so caught up in what I was doing that I couldn’t hear shit but my sniffles. I raised my hand to finally crash the front window, but somehow, my hand was stuck. I tried to pull it down to hit the window, but my grabber was being held. Turning around to scold, I became face to face with Gq.

Thinking he was going to be angry, probably kill my ass, he was the total opposite. His eyes were low and he looked down at me like he was sorry, but I was already tired. Tired of niggas being ‘sorry.’

I looked around to notice everybody else gone and only me and Gq stood there as I burst out into tears. When he motioned in to hug me, my hysteria came back. I pushed him away before pounding his chest in repeatedly. “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” I said in between each punch. He didn’t say anything, just grabbed my wrists and tried to pull me towards his trailer, but my feet didn’t move.

I cried louder as he gave up with my fight and lifted me off the ground and into his arms. I hit him constantly, non-stop. My hits getting harder, but it seemed as if he was unaffected. He carried me into his trailer, closing the door behind him and my hands never seemed to get tired.

“I hate you. I hate you, Gq.” I whined and cried, beating his chest in as he just stopped in the middle of the floor and looked at me. “I know, baby.” He said to me as he leaned in to kiss me. I slapped him so hard his face turned the other way. “Put me down, Gq! I hate you!”

He turned towards the long couch that was in the room, and laid me down on it. After me being let down, the next thing I felt was his warm, wet lips on mines. I wanted to push him away, yes, but him touching me in any way, shape, or form, made it hard for me to get him off. I didn’t love him in a relationship type way, but I loved the way he made me feel.

Standing in between my legs, Gq had a firm grip on my hips as I had my arms around his neck. “Don’t cry fa me, lil ma. You’re perfect.” He said against my lips before tongue kissing me again. He slipped his hands down to the hem of my dress and began lifting it up slowly. Slowly removing my undergarments, he moved his lips from mines to the side of my neck. My head tilted back and I bit my bottom lip.

“I hate you so much..” I lastly mumbled, before I fell under Gq’s spell.