the ultimatum ↬ elliot alderson ✔

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"What?" Dawn says, her eyes half wide. 

Did I really just say that out loud? 

She closes the door, turning around to face me. Her eyes are focused on me, but I don't know what to say. Did I say the truth? 

Maybe it was Mr Robot with his scheming plans. 

"Elliot, did you really mean what you just said?" Dawn asks, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

I lick my lips nervously, but I just sit there with my hands in my lap. 

"Say something, goddamn it!" Mr Robot exclaims, standing just a few feet away from me. 

"I..." 

Dawn looks at the ground, her brows furrowed. It's like she's trying to think of something to say. But when she sees that I don't reply, she walks out again. 

***

I know I should have just told her it was the truth. But lately my delusions are getting worse. I'd rather do things twice, and be sure they're real, than screw everything up in a delusion. 

I see the men in black again. I swear they follow me everywhere now. On the subway. On the way to Shayla's diner. She works there now. It's been a while since I last talked to her,  well, the way we used to. 

Dawn walked out without saying a word, because I don't want to hurt her even more. Maybe it is better if we don't see each other anymore. 

Maybe we should do things like normal people do. Normal people would say "It's not you, it's me," instead of blanking out after telling someone you love them. But I'm not normal. 

No matter how hard I try to read magazines, go out to dinner parties with my coworkers, drink chai lattes and go on dates, I can't stay that way for long. 

The phase lasts a few days, maybe if I'm lucky for a week.  But it never lasts for long. 

My eyes focus on the entrance of the bar Angela told me I should meet her at. There are people everywhere, which makes me want to go back home. 

I go inside and sit down at the back of the bar to avoid the noise. I can feel the USB inside my pocket. I need to tell her without her handing me in. 

Angela is never late, so I'm not surprised when I see her a few minutes after I sit down. Her blonde hair is up in a tight ponytail and she's wearing her work clothes. A simple formal jacket, a blouse and suit pants. If it weren't for the fact she got kicked out of AllSafe after Gideon fired her, she wouldn't dress this nice. 

But her job is only my business when it comes to the USB. It's not too hard of a task. I'm sure she can do it. 

"Hey," she greets me, a wide smile on her face. If only she meant that smile. 

"Hey," I say, nodding my head. 

"Why didn't you call me?" 

"I'm sorry, I was busy with work."

"You know, I'm still surprised you work at AllSafe after what happened to Gideon."

She's right. I am, too. Gideon was murdered three weeks ago and the company has been unstable ever since. 

"I guess I just wanted to stay." 

"Elliot, you should find a better job. AllSafe is in decline," Angela says.

"I don't care." 

"Fine. How are things with Dawn?" she asks. I'd rather talk about Evil Corp than talk about Dawn. I hurt her. I'm not worthy of thinking about her.