Georgia's Suicide Memoirs

dolore

''Everything that kills her make her stronger.''

Georgia Rose, you grew up struggling with pain, died silently 'cause no one was there to care. I should have bought you flowers, but I don't think that would pay the cost. I wasn't there when you needed me the most. Your father wasn't there when you needed him the most. We were not there when you needed us the most. I'm really sorry. Really. I know I'm really sorry. I know 'sorry' can't heal the pain but, atleast it can heal wounds.

Love, Mom

TWELVE. SIX. XXXX-SIX. FIFTEEN. XX

No, you shouldn't have walked away. Walking away means you feel done with anything and everyone and you feel like there's nowhere else to hide and you just wanna keep yourself away from people because you can't take it anymore. You cried, yes. You cried many times when you're alone in your room and you wanna yell at someone to hear how you feel, you want someone out there to listen. I was not there to tell you that you are worthy of love and your existence is valued, that you are beautiful and you don't need anyone's acceptance, you were just beautiful being you. And there alone, you thought that your last redemption was to escape. You were saved at the first upsurged, I wasn't there to save you and be with you at your last. You were once happy and carefree, suddenly you felt pain. You felt nothing. You felt unhappy at all.  You wanted to walk somewhere far, be forever gone and never return back. In front of those stupid cunts, you wished to get rid of it. You thought that everything was just falling apart and you're planning to give it up soon. You wished things weren't just like this way. You had let real monsters and real ghosts won against you. You didn't talked and you were afraid that your words will be judged. Now, it was just about getting through the day without even crying. You never know things like this because you felt weak. It's all lies, my darling. All of your life you were just busy building your own walls in front of the real world. You were scared of yourself and you refused to be strong. You said the hardest part of the redemption was when you aren't so sure if you still want to redeem yourself. No, you weren't a pathetic disaster and you shouldn't have given up so easily. You always think that there's something wrong about yourself and you want a change but you felt you can't and you thought that you will never fit anywhere. You thought that this time would be different then you felt you should have known better that you would be wrong. You wanted to be alone but never lonely. Your story isn't over yet. Struggles, pain, tears, and sadness aren't still over. Of course, you won't let your story end.

''Of course, I won't. I won't let my story end.'' - Georgia Rose, Neverland, 1997