Lily Pov-
''This is the second time we've broken up this week!'' I sighed, dramatically throwing my hands up in the air, ''And it's only Thursday!''
Mia sat patiently, listening to me moaning with a sympathetic look on her face.
''I can't carry on like this,'' I announced, ''I hate him!'' Frowning, I took a sip of my tea.
''You don't'', she shook her head, '' you wish you did but you don't.''
To be honest, I had to agree with her. I wanted so badly to be able to stay mad at him; to let him go, but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep him out of my mind.
''I want to look at him and know that I don't have feelings for him. I want him to leave so I can forget about him. Maybe then he wouldn't leave me with this pain every time this happens.''
I was crying; he had broken me. This time, maybe it was close to the end and that's why I was crying, because I knew what was to come. There was nothing I could do to stop it, whether I wanted to or not. Between us, there were so many breakups and one of them is bound to be for real!
''He treats you as if you're nothing, Lily!'' Mia shrugged, ''you need to move on.''
''But I love him-''
''Do you?'' She asked, cutting me off. ''Or do you just love certain things he does? Things he says?''
Mia left shortly after to go home. And the longer I was alone, the longer I dwelled on her words. But doing that would not make up my mind. Did I love him? Or was it just the idea of being in love?
As I lay on my bed, headphones in, music blasting through the tiny speakers, I started at the ceiling. I started to think about it less and less as the music took over my thoughts and relaxed me. Although, even that was short lived as a text message lit up my phone screen.
I'm so sorry baby, you know I didn't mean it. I love you, please take me back? I made a stupid decision to break up, I miss you.
As I read on through the page long text message, the more it all sounded too familiar. He'd said the same thing, more or less, so many times to me before. And whats so different about this one? Its not like he's changed since last time we spoke, yesterday. Its not like he's really that 'sorry' or else why would he keep on being that same stupid guy he is?
Dylan made me feel uncomfortable. When I was with him, I just couldn't be myself - I couldn't relax. He made me self conscious, even more than I already was. Everyday I'd get the same ''joke'' words from him; ''ugly bitch'', ''why am I still with you?'', ''You were a mistake, why were you born?'', ''I deserve better than that.'' I'd sit there and I'd think about what he'd said, jut knowing that he really did think that no matter how much he said it was a joke. And that hurt. Coming from someone who was supposed to love me for me, not make me feel worthless, horrible, like I shouldn't exist. Dylan was the one person I thought I could be myself around, the one person I thought I could trust. But I was never able to.
Now I just had to make the decision, was he worth one last shot? Or should I end it whilst I can? Something wanted me to carry on because part of me knew I'd ,miss him once he was gone, but who doesn't miss someone when they're gone?
It was the phone rang that I realized it had been an hour and I hadn't replied. The worst thing was, that it was him on the phone!
Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself for answering the phone.
''Hello?'' I called into the microphone.
''Lily? I'm so sorry baby, what can I do to make it up to you?'' His voice sounded desperate and I had to admit, I'd missed his voice since yesterday.
''The thing is Dyl, We've been together for about five weeks and we've broken up so many times, do you really think it''ll work for much longer?'' Just for saying that I felt proud, I found it so hard to tell someone my direct feelings towards them so that was an achievement!
''I know baby, and I want it to work. Just think of all the memories, the good times, you'd miss it if it was gone.'' He said but this time, I knew I didn't want them back.
''There's too many bad ones that out weigh it though. I mean I'm not saying I wouldn't miss you but I'm sick of the breaking up and the getting back together, I don't want that anymore.'' I told him and there was a long pause.
''Whatever, I didn't want to get back together that much anyway, just thought you would but I know I can do better.'' He snapped and I rolled my eyes. Here we go again!
''You know I'm joking babe,'' he laughed after an awkward silence lingered, ''but I guess this is it then, bye.''
And he hung up.
And just like that, I was free of it, or was I?
