start to fall

Harry doesn't really know what he's doing. He doesn't know, and he doesn't care. He spent all his life caring. This time he just floats. He lets the wind take him wherever it wants him. And it might not be ok, but right now, he's ok with it. He doesn't really know when or how he ended up like this. He just did. In many ways he wished to go back; go back to the times when his mind was normal. But in more ways he wishes to stay as he is. At times he feels mental and delusional, but there comes a beautiful and addicting freedom with it. A freedom he never wants to let go of. And he thinks that it's ok. For now. But even though he changed, the people around him didn't. He doesn't really have to spend time with anyone, not even his friends; but at the same time he has to. Without it making any sense. It's just the way things are. Liam and Zayn both mean a great deal to Harry though. It's not that he doesn't like to hang out with them, but as horrible as it sounds he prefers to stay outside and just think. Or at least he tries to think. But his mind is always filled with so much sorrow and darkness that he can't focus on what he feels the need to think off. He normally ends up writing tragic stories in his head about death and the rain. He doesn't mind though. It's still nice. Nice enough, at least. Liam and Zayn worry though. They don't really like the idea of him being alone all the time. And he has more than once gotten home from work and found Zayn, Liam or both on his couch snacking on food they stole from his fridge. Not that he minds though. It's nice. He likes them. Liam was there when no one else was. They basically grew up together. Zayn he had only known for a couple of years, but he slipped into his life without harry even noticing. That's ok with him. It's nice to have them around. They are the closest thing to a family he would ever have. And he thinks it's good. It's sad, but it's more than he deserves.

He doesn't get out of bed before late. Not because he's lazy or anything. It's just that the world seems much more pleasant in the warmth his covers provide. All good things end though. He knows that he has to leave the warmth behind sometime. But it doesn't really make it easier. He gets out of bed though, at last. He should probably be ashamed that he stayed in bed until 4pm, but he can't really bring himself to care. There are worse things to worry about. Things like world peace and making sure he took the garbage out on mondays. He doesn't know really, neither does he care. His head hurts from sleeping all day and all he wants is to spend the rest of the day outside writing stories in his mind, but that doesn't stop the door from opening and neither does it stop his young mate to invade his apartment. He really wants to tell him to leave. He just want some peace. But he can't. And even if he could, he wouldn't. He is his friend after all. And besides he's nice. He likes him. And it's ok, he thinks.

"Please don't say that you stayed in bed until now." Liam furrowed his brows. "Not again Harry. Please." He pleaded with a sad expression plastered on his face.

Harry didn't reply. His silence said more than any answer he could've given him. He expected Liam to burst out jelling at him for sleeping away the day, as he usually did, but this time he just stood there. The look he sent him hurt more than any word a man had ever thrown at him. All he could see in Liam's face was pure pain.

"Liam.." Harry whispered. If he was able to he would probably cry by now. But in some strange way that either him nor others understood, he was unable to. But that did not mean that he didn't feel the pain in Liam's eyes. It was more painful than anything to think that he inflicted that pain in his friends eyes. It was as far from ok that anything could come.

Liam didn't reply.

"Liam.." Harry tried again. He reached out for his friend and luckily he took the hint and dragged Harry into a warm embrace. He doesn't know how long they stayed like that, nor does he care.

"You okay?" Liam said once they let each other go.

"I'm ok." Harry said.

"You're ok." Liam replied.