prologue MY MIND

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What's wrong with me? What is so bad? Why am I so hostile? Why can't I figure it out? I should be able to; it's not like I have anything wrong with me...right? I'm just being stupid. Wake up, Melody, quit being so ridiculous. You're shaking! What have you eaten today? That's what I thought... nothing. You're so untalented; you might as well kill yourself now, and put everyone out of their misery. 

My name is Melody, and I will never understand what I did to my mind to make it hate me so much. I have extreme self-confidence issues, but I probably didn't have to tell you that. I also have Anxiety and Depression, but it's okay, I'm not a pity story. In fact, if I get pity it just makes it worse.   However, my school counselor says otherwise... yes I said counselor, let's get past this now.  I go to a counselor because believe it or not, if nobody checked up on me, and no one was physically there to shake me out of whatever fantasy world I go into, I probably would not be here.  Anyway, now that your done making fun of me because I'm a wimp, or I can't get over myself (which both are true) I can tell you why I'm writing this.

So, my counselor told me that since I won't talk to her about much, I should write down everything that happens to me every day for a year.  Let it sink in... A YEAR!  I can't write every day. I can barely write a full sentence with an adjective in English, but she insists, and she wants me to bring in my entries every week to make sure I do it.    She thinks that I will start realizing that I do the same things over and over again every day.  um... I don't want to say that what she said was oblivious, but I go to school every day, and go to the same classes every day; so I don't know what she was excepting. My life is pretty much just like that movie "Groundhog Day." (with Bill Murray... anyone?) In fact, every high school student's life is like that.  So if she wants to see my "life pattern" why doesn't she just look at my schedule?
She told me that I could be as specific as I wanted to be, so I concluded that I was either going to be writing a 365-page biography, or a very detailed suicide note.  Both are very possible, besides the length of course... I'll make that decision later. At least if I made it into one of those two things I wouldn't have to call it what it really is, which is a Diary.   she told me that I had to start writing it this year on the first day of school all the way till the end.  so here we go... Ready to read about my life that no one cares about? good.

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