My Surreptitious Love

#001

♪♪♪ Dahil manhid ka~! Manhid ka~! Walang pakiramdam~!! ♪♪♪

Music. That's what makes my life so relaxing. At tamang tama naman ang pakikinig ko dahil tamang tama sakin yung kanta. Ayy hindi pala.. sa BEST FRIEND ko pala. I consider him as the densest person in the world. Sa mundo kung saan sya at ako lang ang nag-eexist. Sa mundo wherein he built an iron like wall between love and friendship.

He has this list of stupid rules na kelangan daw sundin ng mag-best friends. Like DUH?! Bakit kelangan pa ng ganon diba? Pffff. Panira. Instead of asking myself the reasons why, i just went to my hidden locker, grabbed my journal and started writing ..

September 28

The song reminds me of him. Nakakalungkot lang na hindi nya 'ko magawang mahalin. He only treats me as a best friend - No more and No less- I envy Jane, dahil alam nya kung paano mahalin ng isang Jaden Montuano dahil nararamdaman nya kung paano sya mahalin ng best friend ko. Why life can be so freakin' unfair?

He's dense, i'm an idiot. Sana hanggang dito na lang dahil kapag sumobra pa ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya baka pati sa sarili ko, wala ng matira. Jude, you're so cruel.

--

I was still reading what i've written nang mapansin kong nakabukas ang pinto ko. Ganun na lang ang gulat at kaba ko nang makita kong nakasandal sa pintuan ng kwarto ko si Jude (Jaden).

"Bok! Kanina ka pa dyan?" I was so nervous dahil hindi kalayuan ang pinto ng kwarto ko sa study table ko. Baka nababasa nya yung sinusulat ko.

"Hindi naman. Kadadating ko lang actually. Ano bang sinusulat mo? patingin!" he just barged in at naalarma ako nang dahil don. I immediately grabbed my journal and hid it at my back.

"Woooooppppsss! 'Di pwede bok! Private property 'to!" i said defensively.

"Damot! At kelan ka pa nagkaroon ng secret sakin ha?" Ramdam ko sa boses nya ang pagtatampo.

"Nah. It's nothing big bok. Not important. At all. Just leave it to me. Please?" I pouted.

"Okay. Pero wala ng ibang secrets bukod dyan?" He asked exasperatedly.

"Wala na poooo~ Promise." I then stretched my pinky finger and twirled it in his doing a pinky promise.

"Owwwkkkaaayyy~" he breathed. Alam kong may problema sya. Dahil hindi naman sya lumalapit sakin kapag wala. Simula nang nagging sila ni Jane, we never got enough time to be together. We never hanged out. Minsan na naming napag-awayan yon but then all i could do is to understand him. Palagi naman kasi akong talo sa kanya. It's always Jane who's his priority. Masakit man, i can't do anything but to accept it. Accept the fact that he's no longer mine and will never be. I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Nag-away na naman kayo ni Jane?" i asked.

"Yeah. Nagselos eh."

"She doesn't trust you. That simple." i shrugged.

"Hindi naman sa ganun. She just misunderstood what she saw." And as usual pinagtatanggol na naman nya ito. "Can you help me?" he continued.

"Talaga bang pupuntahan mo lang ako kapag may kailangan ka? Kapag nag-aaway kayo Jaden? We never got a chance to talk for two weeks dahil sya palagi ang kasama mo. And now here you are, at my room asking for my help again." May pagtatampong sabi ko.

"Please understand Gwen ..."

"Okay. Just don't mind what i've said. Let's just plan something." i waved dismissing him.

--------

The very next day inayos na namin ang lahat. Now i'm here at the back of the tree watching the two love birds smashing their beaks together. Hindi ko napansin naiiyak na pala 'ko. I may be a masochist but this is all i can do just to see him happy. That's how much i love my best friend.

Kaya't ganun na lang ang pagkagulat ko nang may humigit sa balikat ko at yakapin ako. At first i thought it was a kidnaper or something pero naisip ko 'bakit naman ako yayakapin ng isang kidnaper'. I pushed the stranger away para makilala ito. For the second time, i was shocked. It's Alex. My school buddy.

"Alex .. a-anong ginagawa mo dito?" I asked him habang nakaiwas ng tingin. i don't wanna let him see me crying. Not at this moment at least. At first hindi sya sumagot, he's just looking at the pair of couple na tinitingnan ko kanina. Pagkatapos 'non ay humarap sya sakin.

"Sa tingin mo mards? Hahayaan na lang kitang mag-isang umiiyak at sinasaktan ang sarili mo? Hanga ako sayo ah. Pano ka nakakatiis?" he asked with his pitying voice.

"Tssss. Alam mo naman kung bakit eh, tinatanong mo pa. Shunga lang pards?" Natatawa tawa kong tanong sa kanya. he just shrugged.

"Bakit ba kasi ayaw mo pang umamin sa kanya? Kapag lumayo sya sayo, edi hayaan mo. Sya ang nawalan Gwen hindi ikaw. If he's willing to give you up just for his girl, then he's not really worth any of your attention. Wag kang tanga Gwen. You're beautiful. Wag mong sayangin ang oras mo sa isang taong hindi ka kayang pahalagahan." That caught me off guard. Knowing Alex, isa syang baliw na kaibigan. Everything for him is just a joke - or not. I never saw that coming.

"So love expert ang peg mo ngayon pards?" he just shrugged.

"Ganito man ako mards alam ko naman ang ginagawa ko. I'm not like you na kayang magpaka-gaga para lang sa kanya."

Come to think of it. Lahat ng sinasabi nya may katuturan. Ayaw ko mang isipin pero tama naman sya.

"Tara na nga. Inom tayo! My treat." Aya sa kanya ni Alex habang nakaabot ang mga kamay nito sa kanya. She grabbed his hands at sabay umalis silang dalawa.

For the last time that moment, she threw his best friend a last glance. 'I might as well forget you Jude ayoko ng masaktan' she thought.

-----

"Shit Gwen! Can you freakin' slow down?!" Alex shouted. Hindi ko na alam kung pang-ilang shot ko na 'to. I lost count at the fifth one and i don't even care. I just need to navigate my thought away from that bloke.

"Easy Lex, i can manage. Besides ikaw naman ang may gusto nito diba? You're the one who brought me here and now you're stoping me? C'mon, don't be such a hypocrite." I'm a bit drowned by the liquor na kanina ko pang ino-order at kanina pa din ako pilit pinipigilan ni Alex.

"Gwen! Ang sabi ko inom hindi laklak! Dinaig mo pa yung mga mag-iinom sa kanto ah. Problems won't be cured by alcohol." He put his fist in his forehead in frustration.

"At least diba? makakalimot! Phew! Ang sabihin mo talo lang talaga kita sa inuman! Sows! First time ko 'to ha! And you, look at you! Ikaw 'tong madalas sa bar pero natalo pa kita! WEAK mo dude!" I half shouted at him. I'm totally drunk.

"Psh. Oo na! Drunkard." Kahit mahina yung boses nya narinig ko pa din yung sinabi nya at hindi ko na lang yun pinansin. I continued drinking.

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I'll cut it here. :) I'll update soon. Promise (and I won't break it.) LOL.

•jaye•