I know how to keep a girl. (Ironic that I couldn't hold on to Gale though ahaha... I guess all these things came to me after I lost her) I know ways to make her feel loved and happy. I know how to make her think I love her without actually saying the actual words. I think I knew how to make them feel loved because of my first girlfriend and I knew how to let each other just know. Gale and I were all about saying that we loved each other without words. A way to get someone to like you to begin with though is to become closer to her; become friends. Don't go in to fast, you know? Melody and I first met through my friend Noah. Noah's a good kid and people always think that I'm really close to him and I don't correct them to make them think that I'm a good boy, too. He's got a good rep. Everyone likes him without him trying. He didn't need to go to parties, hook up with as many girls as possible, get drunk each weekend or be rich to be well known. How he did it, I don't kow. It probably has something to do with being so close to Rowan and the Carepellis. But then again, I'm the one who made him stay in that group...
Noah still acts real nice to me, but its not deep. I mean, we still hang out, just not one on one. Not since that night. He still put effort into me unlike Rowan and Ally. Especially Ally. She hates me for what I did. I thought that out of all people she would forgive me first, because I thought she would agree. But I did hurt her sister, Adri. Surprisingly, Adri did not hold any grudges against me. She didn't talk to me around Ally and Rowan, though. I'm guessing they don't know that she and I started talking again a long time ago. Everything's different now because of Gale. But who am I to blame her? It was my fault by how I acted when she... left.
Rowan, Ally, Adri, Noah, Gale and I used to be really really close. Like, we were the squad. The group almost everyone wanted to be part of. At least, back in junior high (tb to when we were such naive cuties), we were. Rowan acts nice not because he wants to be close again, but because he knows how we used to be. (Ally and I literally don't see eye to eye at all). I think they still want to be friends, but I have to change first. I think Noah deeply believes that I can still change. He was my bestest friend a long time ago. We grew up together. We stopped hanging out for like that one year, because of a stupid rumour that he thinks I started. More about that next time. Anyway, some guys try so hard to get the bad boy rep and get girls that way. Girls like good boys, too. Well, I'm not a goodie but I can act like one if I have to. Once I saw Melody, I could already see that she'd fall for me. She was beautiful and I might've fallen for her but I'm immune. Melody had really nice plump lips that almost every guy would want to touch. She had a sweet sassy personality that put her at the top of the want list. She was girlfriend goals basically.
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I've heard of her before I met her and I knew that a lot of boys have tried to steal her heart except it was so obvious that they just wanted her for her looks. As soon as Noah introduced me to her (he didnt introduce people to me that often; we don't talk a lot) and I knew she'd fall for me, so I took effort getting closer to Melody. You basically to gain trust and pretend to still like her even through her imperfections. Melody was friendly enough but I got closer to her and I started seeing the ugly parts about her. She had started confiding in me with her past and current problems so I got to know her more. She didn't seem as pretty anymore. But that's the whole point. Show her you still want her, even when you see her at her worst. If you can't, pretend. That's what I've always been doing. I've seen her cry. I've seen her mascara drip down. I've seen her with bed head and without makeup. I stayed with her when she had family problems. I'm the one who made her put down that blade. I'm the one who helped her get back on her feet. I'm the one who helped her relationship with her family. These moments, I feel good about myself. Like, hey, I'm actually not that bad. I remember Gale and how we helped each other. Then I remember that when she gives me her heart, I'll step all over it. I question myself sometimes, "Why do I put in so much effort when I'm just going to give up? Why do I do this? Why do I want her to be hurt so badly? Why do I want to ruin this girl who's done nothing to me?" I just want to feel something. In the back of my brain, I hope that I meet someone who'll actually take my heart away and take care of it. Maybe Melody will. Maybe. I hope not. I'm not ready. I need someone. Why can't it be Melody? I wonder if this is what Rowan was planning. Did he think that she could change me? I want her. But do I want her because I love her or because I want someone, anyone? I feel so empty. I want to be loved but I can't love them back. I like their attention. I love Melody? No. I won't fall for her. Not her. But I need someone. I need her. But who is "her"? It can't be Gale. Why can't I move on? I miss her more and more instead of accepting she was gone. I hated myself for being so weak. Gale used to tell me, "Doesn't mean you look scrawny on the outside that you can't be strong in the inside." If she saw me now, she'd choke at her words from laughing too hard. At least Adri doesn't hate me. If anyone's been there for me ever since Gale left, it was Adri. Don't ever tell her this but looking at Adri's face is just a reminder of Gale. I have a hard time looking at her sometimes. As much as I appreciate Adri, I wish it was Rowan or Ally or Noah.
