Lost It All

Chapter 4

Shannons POV

Water... I was drinking plain water when I very easily could be drinking liquor. The pain inside me still churned. It's been close to 5 months. I miss her more than anyone every before. Still no answer or explanation as to why, I was left empty.

I sat at the bar and watched the hockey game. My team was winning yet I couldn't get into it. The rest of the restaurant was loud and cheerful, I had to be the only person not cheering. As I turned from the bar I scanned the room. All the faces so unfamiliar. That was til my eyes landed on one. All the way at the other end of the restaurant.

My heart rose into my throat, my breathing got labored. There she was, the one I missed more than life, the one that tore me to shreds when she left. Still beautiful as ever, her smile lit up the room. Only problem, I didn't cause that smile.

His hands were on hers, smiling at each other. What did this mean? Had she moved on? She was back. She was here, but not for me. The depression started to grow once again, I could feel the cloud start to engulf me. I had to get out of here. But I couldn't.. I just wanted to see her.

"Hey... Sir.. You want another drink?" The bartenders voice played me away from her. 'Oh.. Uh. Just a soda please' I glanced back over to see her getting up, his arm around her waist. I turned in my chair to keep her from seeing me and turned to my left side watching them leave. I felt a break down coming and I knew.. I knew that if I didn't get home I would drown myself in my sorrows and regret it later.

Laying some cash on the counter I walked out before the bartender even came back. My head was going crazy. I was tearing myself apart. I need an escape I need some solidity. I drove home far faster than I should have. But right now all I saw was that smile. A smile I didn't produce

My grip was tight, knuckles turning white as I pulled up at my house. I slammed the door behind me and chunked my keys across the living room screaming. When I stop I saw her photo still on my desk. I didn't need that. She didn't need me so why should I still have her.

Picking it up I threw it down. Glass shattered across the floor as my heart was doing once again. All this time I tried to heal, tried to forget and here she was happy. I felt like nothing.

My body couldn't take it anymore. I collapsed to the ground and began to cry. My fist beat the glass covered floor. Bloods seeped from the wounds. I no longer felt anything. I was numb. I was alone and numb.