royals // m.h. [au]

Chapter 4: A Change of Heart

gwen's p.o.v //

I never liked cereal in the morning. I mean, for one, you never get how many pieces you want in one mouthful, and the flakes that are left over in the bowl are now undesirable, as they're in unwanted warm milk. So if I hated cereal so much, why did I still eat it? Why did I force myself to stomach it any longer? Was it because I felt sorry for it? Was it because I had been eating cereal for so long that I couldn't picture life without it?

Such was the case with Samuel.

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I cared far too much about what the hell my parents thought that I never wanted to leave him, and yet, I can feel myself getting feelings for someone else.

For Matty.

I couldn't take it. I didn't know whether I was falling out of love with him or having feelings for two people simultaneously. I mean, I knew the latter was possible, but I just didn't get it. One kiss? How could one kiss possibly influence my relationship that much? Am I that easy? Furthermore, what about Matty? Was I falling in love with him? I mean, I barely knew anything about him! Was my adolescent mind taking control of my heart yet again? In the middle of my existential crisis though, Sam snapped me out of it. Speak of the devil.

"Hey," he said, coming up from behind me, still in his sleepwear, "are you feeling alright? You haven't even touched your food."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," I said, noticing that my plate of various breakfast foods that I made earlier that morning remained untouched.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing, believe me. I've just got a lot on my mind, is all."

"Are you sure?" He sits down in front of me so that I have to face him. Great.

"Yeah, positive."

"Alright." He took a brief pause. "I love you."

The words took me off guard. "I love you too, Sam," I said, forcing a smile on my makeup-less face. Shit was getting out of hand in my mind, and fast. I needed to work fast. I needed to call Matty. I rose to make the call when Sam asks, "Where're you going?"

"Bathroom. I feel absolutely disgusting," I said, which wasn't entirely a lie. I didn't even shower yet. I make my way to the bathroom and pull out my phone, quickly dialing Matty's number.

It rung for a bit before I finally hear a raspy voice say, "Hello?"

"Matty, it's me. We need to talk."

Detecting the worry in my voice, the tone of his voice quickly changes, indicating that he's more awake now. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just...I need to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere today?"

"Sure, o-of course. What place do you have in mind?"

"There's a Starbucks by my flat. Just please meet me there. I don't know what to do," I said, noticing that my voice is starting to crack and I could feel tears welling up in my throat.

"I'm on my way," he said, urgently, noticing my tone. "I'll be there in 20 minutes."

"Okay. Bye."

Click. The abrupt sound of the phone hanging up sets me off, as the tears that were once in my throat are now coming out of my eyes and down my face. I couldn't bear to face Samuel to tell him that my feelings were shared between him and another man, and I wasn't even sure that I was out of love with him; I was positive that I wasn't. I didn't even know if I loved Matty or not. The world was crashing around me at an alarming rate and I couldn't take it all, so I cried. I started the shower - on an extremely high temperature - and let the steaming hot water take my tears away and erase my pain and confusion.