Fires Wash Away Fears

Epilouge

Dimitri

I ran as fast as I could towards her, tears streaming down my face as I reached out to her. I couldn't breathe due to the thick black smoke that was everywhere, drowning me like a thousand oceans. But I struggled through it, to get to her. Because she was Rose. She was everything. And I couldn't lose her. I managed to get to the base of the pyre, scalding my hands as I attempted to scramble up the flame covered wood, before I felt hands pulling me back. Not just one set, but many. And all of them were dragging me away. I caught a glimpse of her, the pain in her eyes and the look of such sadness and loss on her face froze me. I saw her lips mouth the word goodbye, and then she was gone, and I was out of the reach of both the flames and the smoke. I was being held down by the guardians that had tried to save me. And Rose's friends too. It didn't matter who was holding me though, all that mattered was that they were stopping me from saving her. I fought them as hard as I could, but for every person that I shoved off me, there was another there to hold me down, to block me from getting to Rose. I screamed her name, shouting as though the world depended on it, and in a way it did. She was my whole world. Whether she knew it or not, everything revolved around her. I couldn't lose her. Not now, not ever. But then I saw that she was already lost to me and I broke.

I collapsed to the floor, crying like a broken man, chanting, pleading and shouting for all I was worth. All to no avail. Eventually everything faded and I felt my senses become more and more distant until the only thing I could feel was the hollow, empty pain inside my chest.

I awoke to more darkness. I guessed I was in the infirmary, but I wasn't sure having never visited it before. For a moment I was unsure as to why I was here, and then I remembered. And with that knowledge came the earth shattering pain of the realisation that I had lost Rose forever. I now understood what she had said to me when I had been a Strigoi. At the time it had puzzled me, but now I understood it better than I could've ever understood it when she was alive.

'Dimitri...' she had said 'you may be Strigoi, but at least I have not lost you. Not yet.' I had looked at her questioningly, not really caring much for the answer, but I had been curious.

'This death...it is not final. I have not yet lost you forever. There might still be a way to save you.'

I (at the time) had not understood. But now I did. She was gone from me forever now. I would give anything to have her back, no matter the cost. Even if it was as a Strigoi, or a ghost, I would give anything. But there was nothing I could do. Not even Lissa could bring her back now. And with that, I began to sob again, crying myself to sleep.

A memorial service was held a few days later, and I knew that I had to be there. I hadn't ventured outside since Rose's death, but I couldn't miss this. I walked to the small church and saw Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Mia and Adrian all outside, waiting for me. Lissa didn't say anything before running up to hug me, sorrow written all over her face. She was crying too, and her eyes had that puffy red look too them which meant she had been crying for a while. I suspected she hadn't stopped crying since Rose died. I didn't think I had either. Looking at the faces around me I could tell that all of them were just as broken as we were. Each one of us had loved Rose in our own way, and none of us would be able to accept she was gone. Adrian seemed to be handling her death the same way he handled everything, which alcohol and cigarettes. He seemed to be absolutely wasted today though, to the point that he couldn't stand up, and was sitting on the floor, leaned against a wall with a cloud of cigarette smoke around him. At a motion from Lissa, we all went inside and took our seats.

The ceremony wasn't long, the usual, traditional funeral speech and then we were headed to the front, to pay our respects over her coffin. It surprised me that it was open, but then I realised why: she had died from smoke inhalation; the fire had never even reached her before it was put out. So instead of looking down at a sealed coffin, I found myself looking down at Rose, eyes shut and a small smile on her lips. I couldn't breathe. She didn't look like she was dead. I mean, of course she was paler than usual, but I could almost fool myself into believing she was alive. It made it that much harder to say goodbye. I let the tears fall from my eyes as I whispered apologies at her. Finally, I wiped my eyes and stepped aside, allowing the casket to be closed.

I waited until she was buried, and everyone had left before I walked up to the grave and laid a bouquet of red roses. I knew that she would love the romance and hate the irony. It was a bittersweet feeling. I sat there for hours, telling her how I felt, how much I loved her, until the sun finally started to rise, at which point I lifted myself up, said my final goodbyes and returned to my room. I knew I would never go back. I couldn't. I could imagine Rose understanding that.

QUICK NOTE: I want to beg you to read this. It's my favourite story so far; it's a Morganville fic, but even if you haven't read the series you might enjoy it. You might miss some of the inside jokes, but I'm sure you could still read it. Also, please review both this and that. I always value other peoples take and opinions on my stories.