Holding Onto You (Joshler FanFic)

Chapter 28

Hey guys so for this chapter I listened to To Build a Home by Cinematic Orchestra if you wanted to listen to it to see where my mind was at when writing this chapter.

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*Josh's POV*

'Hey' said a gentle voice, 'Josh'

'Josh, wake up.'

That was the last thing I wanted to do. I thought to myself

I didn't want to wake up.
I didn't want to have to open my eyes and see a world without him.
Without Tyler.

To have to face reality. I couldn't.

He was dead.
He was gone.

'Josh' the gentle voice said again, rubbing my shoulder.

I opened my eyes reluctantly to find myself gazing into the familiar set of eyes with the deep brown colour. Tyler's arms were wrapped around me, his warmth radiating into the very core of my being.

Tyler.

Tyler was beside me.

He was here.

What? That couldn't be right.

'T-T-Tyler' I whispered, tears teetering along my eyes.

'Yeah, sleepyhead?' He replied with a smile.

'Oh Tyler!' I said bursting into uncontrollable sobs,
'It was a dream. Oh thank god. It was a dream. You're here! You're alive'

'What do you mean? Of course I'm alive' he said with a laugh 'Is that why you were fidgeting in your sleep?' He said quietly.
'Tyler you were dead. You were killed in a car accident in my dream. We were at the hospital because Troye was there and you left me and I went searching and it was my fault and I walked out and this lady wouldn't tell me what was happening, she was so stupid! And you're alive! You're here! With me! You're here.' I said unable to speak properly, through sobs and deep breathes

He was alive, he was safe!

'You're alive' I said. I smiled wrapping my arms around his waist.
I let out a sigh of relief.
He kissed my forehead gently.

'I would never leave you, Josh'

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'Josh'

'Josh'

'Josh!'

Someone was shaking my arm. Their nails digging into my skin.

'Josh, wake up'

I opened my eyes. Melanie was beside me staring at me through swollen, red eyes.

The warmth drained from my system.

What?

'You fell asleep.' She said through a yawn. 'You've been out of it for at least two hours. I thought you'd want an update'

I stared around me. I was still in the waiting room. The bright sterile hospital lights blinding my eyes.

What?

'Wait how did I get here?' I asked rubbing my eyes.
'What do you mean?' She replied.

I looked around. Hayley had her head resting in her hands. Brendon was fast asleep. Troye's parents sat there speaking to one another in a hushed tone.

No Tyler to be seen.

No.
Tyler.

'H-How did I g-get back here?' I said croakily, 'Tyler? Where's Tyler?'

A single tear rolled down Melanie's cheek.

He was really gone. He was a dream.

'He's with the medical examiner' she whispered.

'Melanie' I said beginning to cry
'Mel don't let this be real. Tell me this is a dream. Please let this be the dream. Please let me be with Tyler when I wake up. This is a dream. It has to be. Melanie please tell me this isn't real' I said my entire body beginning to shake with grief.

This wasn't happening?

'I-I'm so-so sorry Josh' said Melanie wrapping her arms around me.

Someone was screaming into my ear. A blood curdling noise.

Tyler was dead. He was gone.

The noise wouldn't stop.
My mind was ready to combust.
I needed them to shut up!

I looked up searching for the noise.

Hayley and Brendon were both staring at me with terrified faces.
Why were they looking at me like that?
Why weren't they crying!
Troye was dying! Tyler was dead!
Why weren't they crying?

'Josh' said Hayley with tears in her eyes as she made her way over to me pulling me into a hug.

Why wouldn't the noise stop!

Somebody make it stop!

Others in the room began to look up at me, all staring at me with the same expression of fear.

I was the one making the noise.
I was the one screaming.

Tyler was dead. He was dead.

The boy I loved was gone.

Oh my god.
The boy I loved was gone.

I needed the noise to stop! My head was going to bust!
STOP' STOP! STOP!
Make it stop!

He was gone. Tyler was gone.

I would never see him again.
Oh my god.

I'd never talk to him again. I'd never get to hold him again. I'd never kiss get to him again.
I'd never see his cheeks flush that beautiful pink colour ever again.

He was gone. My Tyler was dead.

Oh my god. This wasn't happening.

'No' I moaned.

'He was fine' I said shaking my head, 'I spent the day with him. We were together! He was fine! He is fine! He has to be!'

'The car couldn't have killed him! The doctors are probably operating on him now! Tyler will be fine! He's fine! He's going to be fine'.

None of them replied.
Silent.

'Guys! He's going to be fine! Stop looking at me like that, he's going to be fine!'

Nothing. Silence.

I was never going to hear his voice again.

Silence.