Ships Ahoy!

The Doer

"Thank you for coming, Odd S—uh, Odd...d'ah...ah...ah-CHOO!"

"Gesundheit!" Agent Oscar and Agent Opal immediately told her.

The old bespectacled woman sitting at the elementary school teacher's desk in front of them sniffled and reached for a hankie. "Yes, thank you. So sorry, I—uh, I can't—oh dear, I—ah—ah-CHOO!"

Oscar started to say gesundheit again, but Opal flicked her wrist to stop him. "Can you tell us what your odd problem is?"

"Yes, one moment." The woman loudly blew her nose and tossed the used tissue behind her into a disturbingly large pile on the floor, then after a moment's thought, proceeded to plug her nose. "I have this odd allergy, you see," she continued in a nasally voice, "and I can't find a doctor to give me any medication to help with it."

Not for the first time, Opal wished her doctorate was completed already. Barely a month into the Specialized Odd-ology portion of her studies, she hadn't yet covered the topic of allergies. This is clearly a problem for a real doctor, she mused, not an agent-slash-doctor-in-training. What is an agent even supposed to do in this situation?

It was Oscar who quite obliviously answered her question. "Well, um, d-do you know what y-you're allergic to?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm allergic to kids."

The two agents gaped. "Kids?" they echoed.

"L-like us kids?" Oscar asked, flabbergasted.

"And like your students?" Opal added.

"Yes, like you kids!" the woman moaned. Taking her hand from her nose, she gestured at her second-graders, who were sitting quietly in their desks watching the whole ordeal in awe. "And yes, it makes it very hard when I have students to tea—ah-CHOO!—teach."

Oscar frowned. "Th-then why'd you choose to be a teacher?"

"Never mind that!" the woman snapped, her face scrunching up with the effort of holding back another sneeze. "Ju...juh...ah-CHOO! Just get me—ah-ah-CHOO!—cured!"

Opal and Oscar exchanged glances. "What do we do, Opal?" Oscar whispered out of the side of his mouth. "Do you know how to cure this yet?"

"I'm an agent, not a doctor!" Opal hissed back.

"Soooooo is that a no?"

Opal rolled her eyes. "Let's just take her back to HQ and let the other nurses deal with her!" She turned to the teacher. "Ma'am, we'll need you to come with us. The equipment and the agents to help with your allergy are back at Odd Squad Headquarters."

Oscar scratched his head. "D-does that mean we're s-s'posed to take her back in the, uh, tubes? Are adults e-even allowed in the tubes?"

"How should I know? I'm a doctor-in-training, not an agent!" With a shrug and a sigh, Opal ignored Oscar's confused look and stepped forward to take the teacher by the arm, bidding her to stand up. "Here, this next part may be a little unnerving for you, so just stay calm and do what we say, okay?"

The woman nodded and opened her mouth, but all that came out was, "Ah-CHOO!"

"Come on, Oscar!" Opal beckoned for her partner, and he hurried over to take the teacher's other arm. Leading the sneezing woman over to the pencil sharpener on the wall, they pushed her through the tube entrance with a loud "Ah-CHOOOOOOOOOoooooooo..."

As Oscar jumped in after her, Opal turned to the second-graders (who she realized were about her age) with the most serious face she could muster. "Class dismissed for the afternoon!" Amidst loud cheering and applause, she too hopped into the tubes.