Impetuous

Part 1: Getting Ready

And she fights for her life

As she puts on her coat

And she fights for her life on the train

She looks at the rain as it pours

-“Her Morning Elegance” by Oren Lavie

                                                                        LEIGH 

                I am so tired. So friggin’ tired. Taking the train from my rehearsals and back to my friend’s house was a bad idea. It’s way too crowded, and the unpleasant odours are really getting to me. Plus, Harley keeps on texting me, asking me where I am. Don’t get me wrong, I love Harley to bits, but sometimes, she’s way too annoying. Always keeping time, gets mad if the schedule isn’t followed…had been like that ever since we met. We’re going to this “high school dance” tonight. She decided to drag me along with her and her boyfriend, Dylan. I don’t even have a date, but somehow, she convinced me to come. I’d have to borrow clothes from her though. I ran out of clothes already since I was supposed to stay for three days only, but then she springs this new itinerary on me. I should’ve known she’d plan something like this. Usually, my week-long stays at her house end up being stretched to two weeks.

                Going up the train station’s stairs isn’t much of a struggle, but since I had a huge and heavy bag with me, I spent twice as much time climbing up. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. Harley was calling. I decided to answer it.

“Where on Earth are you?!” Man. This girl’s pretty scary once she loses her cool.

“Train station, just got off the train. Don’t get your knickers in a bunch.” I answered.

“You said you’d be here by three! It’s four-thirty. Hurry up.” After she said that, she hung up. I walked a little bit faster.

                After forty minutes or so, I arrived at her house and went up her room. She was already dressed up and was doing her make-up.

“You better take a shower now. You reek of sweat and pollution.” she said jokingly.

                I rolled my eyes and laughed, and then I closed her bedroom door. Upon entering the bathroom, I thought about the possibilities of what would happen once we arrive at the dance. Would I even have a good time? What if I meet someone and screw up all over again? I can’t even talk to guys without freezing up. Sometimes, I can even feel the awkwardness with my hands. That’s my problem. I’m very awkward and shy. I feel like hiding in a corner whenever guys try to talk to me, let alone a guy I actually like. Harley does it so effortlessly. She can cozy up to anyone easily. And then there’s me, the girl who can’t utter any other word than hello. That’s why she drags me to these things. She said I need “practice”. I appreciate what she’s trying to do, but most of the time, I have no clue whatsoever on how to present myself.

                Truth be told, there were a few instances where my shyness interfered with a lot of good opportunities, but there was one incident that struck me the most. It was the summer before my senior year in high school. I met this guy through a common friend. He was really nice. He plays the guitar and sometimes, he would sing to me. He tells me these funny stories and little by little, I fell for him. We were getting teased a lot, and that was when I found out he felt the same way about me. We share the same feelings towards each other, we texted each other daily, but somehow, I still wasn’t that comfortable around him. I still found myself having nothing to say. Whenever we met up, my friends talk to him more than I talk to him (Especially Harley, since she talks to everybody). After a few months, he decided to call it off. Sure, it hurt a lot, since I didn’t know his reasons that time. I just found out yesterday that one of his reasons was my shyness and “lack of confidence”. What I hate the most is that I could have avoided that situation. If only I found the right words…