01/15/10 05:45am
Dear Diary,
It has been about 2 days since Edward ( @eddiewantsblood ) has returned to the cottage, I know I shouldn't worry and listen to Rose ( @EternalBeauty_ ) when she says that he will return soon, but I can't stop imagining if something bad might happen to him. I went cliff diving early this morning and stared at the stars, I realized that Edward really does complete me, I just wish he didn't stay away so long on his hunting trips.
Time means nothing to a Vampire, then why am I still holding on to my time. I live alone in my lonely cottage with no one except for Edward when he decides to stop by. :( Sometimes, I wish I was still human, still able to cry, because at times like this, it would be wonderful to cry, and let out all these feelings that are trapped inside of me. Sometimes I feel like maybe he is doing this on purpose so that I will want him even more when he returns. But he must not truely understand the extent of my true feelings which I constantly hide from him. I know I should just admit it and tell him I truely do love him, but I have been broken before by Damon Salvatore and that is not a place I would like to return to. All that pain, and anguish. I hated it. How can one vampire be so lonely, but yet so loved. I have the greatest friends, and people who really love me, but for some reason I do not feel complete, only when Edward is in my life do I really begin to feel like my world is whole again. That's why I need him the most.
I flash back many times, and look at how my life would've been, if I told Edward I loved him long ago. Instead I was blinded, and when he left, I was a poor weak human. What was I to do, was I to just go on, and grow old, and hope one day I might seen him again? No...I did what I had to do, I went to Volturi and asked them to change me. I needed to apart of Edward's world then, just like I still need to be apart of his world now. I hope you return soon Edward, my undead heart lies with you forever.
-xx-
Bella
