Part 2

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        Finally. I was home. Away from the world, away from everything. 

I wasn't always like this, you know. I was happy, once. But every single person that's ever made me happy just ended up leaving. 

My mom; I never really knew her. She died in childbirth. 

My dad; abandoned me.

My friends all left when the rumours started. Oh, those rumours. They weren't even true. And they were so horrible. So fucking horrible. 

...

The love of my life, Alfie. He promised me he would never leave me. He promised me he would be there until the very end. 

He took his own life.

I wonder, sometimes, what I did to deserve all this. I don't know if there's a God out there, but I pray anyway. Or at least I try to. I do it to try and find some missing piece of myself, to feel happy and free and enlightened like all religious people say they feel when they pray. So far, it hasn't come to me yet. But I'm still trying. It's all I have left, anyway.

I snuggle in my bed, and today without thinking, I turn on the radio. I'm not sure why. I haven't done it in forever, it feels almost alien to me. A song starts to play, something I've never heard before. 

'"Let me be the one to light a fire inside those eyes. You've been lonely, you don't even know me, but I can feel you crying." 


It's words I've needed to hear for so long, and it seeps into me like hope, but I use all the strength I have to turn it off. Those words felt like another promise. And I can't deal with any more broken promises.

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