Fate's Reprieve

TWO

"This never gets easier, does it?" Cullen's arms tightened around her in the dark. "I swear I think its actually worse than last time."

She burrowed deeper in his embrace, cherishing his presence. "Not worse, only closer than your memories. I'll be back before you know it, though. This trip isn't as long as the last one."

"You say it's only a week or two, but I can see this dragging out a month at least. A month of worrying. A month of a cold bed. A month without someone to ease my nightmares. You've been my life for so long now, I..." He sighed and took her fingers, brushing a kiss across her knuckles. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't burden you this way, not when you're setting out tomorrow."

Smiling as she took in the smell of his skin, the lingering scent of leather and sunshine, carving it into her memory, she did her best to reassure him. "It's not a burden to know you'll miss me, vhenan. If you weren't anxious, I'd be concerned."

"I don't want you to worry about me, though. You've enough worries for half of Thedas as it is."

Shianna shifted in his hold, leaning up on what remained of her left arm to see his face. "Worry is how we know the depth of love. Even if I'm here I worry for you. I worry your dreams will take you somewhere I can't reach. I worry I'll wake up to realize our life was some illusion of the Fade. I worry every single day that no matter what I do, all of this will burn when he sets his plan in motion. I can't sit here and do nothing knowing he's out there, biding his time. I won't let him take this from me, from us."

His fingertips skimmed her cheek, following the line of her jaw. "Have you considered perhaps that task will fall to someone else? Cassandra was certain only Hawke or the Warden could help at the conclave, and yet it wasn't either of them we needed. Has it occurred to you maybe your part in these events is done?"

She bent and brushed a kiss across his nose. "Wishful thinking, but you may be right. I don't know whatever's coming won't involve me, though. Perhaps I won't be at the heart of the mess again, but there's no escaping playing some part. I know too much about what came before, too much about what he wants, to not be. Even if it's not my hand that saves the world, whoever that ends up being will need my help."

"It's terrible of me, but that thought is more comforting than you realize."

"It's also slightly frustrating," she chuckled and settled back in against his side. "As someone who likes control so much, I'm sure you can relate."

"Was that a complaint?"

"Hardly. I quite enjoy that particular aspect of your personality. It's especially endearing when accompanied by those little silk ties in your desk drawer."

Laughter rumbled in his chest. "A shame our guest put a damper on that tonight. Did you know she still threatens to steal you from me when you're out of earshot?"

"I hope you're not actually concerned about that. She'd never do that to Dagna. Sera tries to hide it, but I doubt anything short of death would part them. That's how Sera is. Once she's decided about you, for good or ill, that doesn't change."

"And the Iron Bull. You're certain he'll be here?"

"The Chargers should be rolling up no later than mid-morning. Krem has a few odd jobs for them to do while the Bull comes south with me, so they won't be in your hair for too long."

"I don't mind them sticking around. They're a good distraction to the others, which is especially helpful when they have bad days."

"That reminds me," she said, "how are the new arrivals? I saw them heading out to the fields today. Any opinion on how they'll do?"