The Thoughts of a Broken Trauma Nurse.

Day One

April 17th, 1991 was the day my mother died. It was not a peaceful death at an old age though. She died hand in hand with me because I couldn't save her. We had gotten into a car accident that morning, and she got the worst of it. I remember her screaming "HOLD ON CALI" but I didn't know what was happening. It was a drunk driver that hit us. The drunk driver died on impact along with his two friends in the back of the car. The two friend's names were Dylan and Rick and the driver was Mike. They were very young, only in their mid-twenties. They were too drunk to see my mom's car coming, when they had swerved into my lane. I closed my eyes waiting for the impact of shards of glass, and pain but it never came. I opened my eyes and all I could see was my mom bent over the steering wheel with her head bleeding. I called out to her but she never responded back. All I could do was reach up to grab her hand, which was unreasonable cold, and then wait for help to come. An ambulance and firetruck came not too long after. I remember one of the firefighters pulling me out and one putting two fingers on the side of my mom's neck. After he did that he sadly shook his head no. Little did I know what that meant. I was then taken in an ambulance to the closest hospital, I can't remember the name though. I wouldn't know that my mother's dead until my father came running through the doors crying. He told me not long after that. It pained me to see him this way, but all I could so was hug him and offer comfort. The days following was even worse, such as the funeral. She was lowered into the ground in a casket while friends and family members around were crying. The head stone said, "Julie Bay. Loving Mother and Wife. June 30th, 1967 ~ April 17th 1991". After that, my dad would try to hold it together in front of me but I knew the truth. I could hear him crying in his bedroom a night, long mournful cries for his wife. He was depressed for the next year until he gave up. One day he hugged me and told me he loved me, then sent me to my grandparents. He was supposed to come and get me the next day but never showed up. Later on the next day my grandmother picked up the phone then started crying. She came over and hugged me while saying everything will be alright. My dad was found, laying down peaceful in bed with a note and an empty pill bottle. The note said, "I can't sleep knowing she isn't right there next to me a night." He had committed suicide... This happened August 4th 1992, a little over a year after my mom's death. He was then laid to rest not long after. I was hurting on the inside and needed an escape... Well anyways all I had left was my grandparents. They fed me, took me to school, did everything they could to help me. I love them very much for that and thanks to them I am now a Trauma nurse at Sheppard's memorial hospital.