A flame in the Storm

Chapter 21

Those days all I did was sleep. I slept in the morning, I slept in the evening, I slept in the night. The other thing I did besides sleeping was crying, whenever I was awake, I cried. So mom preferred me sleeping.

No man came in my room after that incident; even dad looked at me through the door always with unshed tears in his eyes. Why did he cry? Who hurts him?

I was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling with tears from my eyes making my pillow wet. Mom came and sat beside as she always did. The only thing mom did those days was to care for me except absolute necessary work. She started crying; I looked at her then looked back at the ceiling. Mom cried as much as I did, I guess someone had hurt her as someone had hurt me.

"You know Maira?" Mom asked wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "Who hurt me?"

"No," I said, "maybe dad?"

"No" mom replied.

"Then who?"

"You."

Those words felt like a bomb had been dropped in front of me. I sat up straight on the bed.

"No mom," I said. "I didn't hurt you."

"But you did hurt me," Maria mom said with conviction.

"No" I cried "I never meant to hurt you."

She made me stand in front of the mirror.

Small hairs, about an inch, were now growing on my scalp, my eyes had dark circles around it, my skin was very pale covered with burn marks of cigarettes' and many irregular scars. My collar bones protruded beneath the skin. It was like I had become a skeleton with a layer of skin covering it. Rizwan's words echoed in my ears "you have become ugly" but I felt grateful because I was no longer sexy or hot.

I moved away unable to look at myself anymore.

Moms said "don't give up on yourself Maria, don't let him put you in a jail made by your own mind. Never give the evil satisfaction of breaking you or putting you to shame."

"Shame" I repeated," that's what he said, he will put us all to shame."

"Who Maria? Who is he?" Mom asked.

"He, he is a monster mom, a devil. He doesn't look like one though. But I saw it in his eyes, he had the devil in his eyes" I explained.

"What was the devil's name?" Mom tried to coax it from me.

"I will not tell" I whispered. "If I tell you he will hurt me again or worse he will hurt you."

I went back to my bed and covered myself with the blanket in order to protect myself from the devil. I feared he might come from anywhere.

Mom came near me and asked in a smooth manner "tell me the name Maria we will punish him for hurting you."

I put my head on my knees without answering. She repeated the question again and again. When she realized I was not going to answer she left defeated.

Mom applied aloe vera gel on my burn marks twice daily uttering "Bismillah" every time she touched a new burn. She had become as shattered as me. she never left my side and slept with me during nights as I had begun waking up screaming and drenched in sweat as I had nightmares of Rizwan attacking me again. Though he was not present he had become a ghost in my life who didn't let me live in peace. I saw dad near my door most times he was at home after the job. He always had a broken expression on his face. The free spirit that he was, being happy and making others happy was now gone. He had become an alter ego of that person who never smiled.