Chances That You're Burning Through

Original | Chapter Two

Today's the day we learn who's being adopted and who's not. I know that I'm not getting adopted. The only person that even gave me the time of day was Demi. My lips form into a smile as I remember our conversation the day before. It was awesome meeting her. I didn't even self harm or purge after she left, and I even ate a small salad for dinner. I'm proud of myself, to say the least, but now Demi's gone, and my demons are the only 'friends' I have. With a yawn, I push back the duvet and stand up. My bones crack as I stretch away my first good night sleep in a long time. 

I take a quick shower. Usually I'd use the privacy to self-harm, but somehow I'm managing to ignore my demons. I guess I have Demi to thank for that. I decide to wear a black dress with black leggings. As I'm lacing up my black converse, a verse from a song pops into my head, and I quietly sing it.

"Who said I can't wear my Converse with my dress? Well, baby, that's just me. Who said I can't be single and have to go out and mingle? Baby, that's not me, no, no."

I grab my tiny MP3 player and stuff the ear-buds into my ears. I scroll through until I find La La Land. I turn the volume to the maximum limit. I sing quietly to myself as I slip a bangle onto my wrist that has tiny skulls all over it, clasp a link necklace around my neck, and grab my black purse. I stuff a thin rubber band underneath the wide bangle, just in case I have the urge to harm myself in anyway. I gently lay back on my bed as the song changes, and I continue to quietly sing. My eyes snap open when my roommate who bothered me yesterday yanks one of my ear-buds from my ears.

"Yes, Willow?"

She slaps me.

"Shut up with the singing! You're practically making my ears bleed. Either gain some talent or sew your mouth shut, you fat worthless bitch," She screeches.

With a huff, she enters the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. I need to get out of here. I turn my MP3 off and toss it into my purse. I hurry out of the room and nearly run to the secluded gardens. I collapse underneath a large tree and let my tears freely flow. I repeatedly snap the rubber-band on my wrist, yearning for something sharp. With an urge to self-harm, I wipe my moist cheeks, not caring how red and puffy my face must be. I make my way back to my room. Willow is in the shower and our other roommate, Kylee, is nowhere in sight. I open my top dresser drawer where I store all of my underwear. I rummage to the back of the drawer, groping the wood and cloth for the metal. My fingers clasp around the sharp edge as I unveil it from the clothing. I push the drawer shut and sit on my bed with my back to the bathroom door. Knowing better than to cut on my wrists, I lift up the hem of my dress. With no hesitation, I glide the blade across my flesh. A wave of relief washes over me, and I repeat the action. I'm able to cut myself a total of ten times before the water stops running in the bathroom. I hurry to Kylee's bedside table and grab a bunch of tissues from the box. Returning to my bed, I press the wad of tissues to my incisions. I hold the tissues down with my elbow, grimacing at the slight pain, as I grab the small box of band-aids that I keep in my nightstand. As I hear a hair dryer start to roar in the bathroom, I open the band-aids and remove the tissues from my cuts. I place the band-aids over my still bleeding cuts and manage to stuff the bloody tissues as well as my blade into my purse just as the bathroom door opens.

"Why are you still here? Shouldn't you be, like, throwing up or slicing your wrists?" Willow snarls.

I don't reply. Instead, I grab my purse and walk up to the bathroom door that she is blocking. 

"Move," I order, trying to put as much force behind my words as possible.

She smirks, her eyes glistening with amusement.

"And if I don't? What are you going to do about it?"

More worried about the bloody tissues in my purse at the moment, I push all fear aside and shove her to the ground. I enter the bathroom and lock the door behind me.