Muted Body

7-Confess

Chapter 7- Confess

            It takes lots of guts to confess to something. If you feel guilty about something it usually helps to let it out. It’s like telling a secret, you are excited to have a secret, but the juicy secret can sometimes be hard to keep in. There are many moments that we can feel Ashamed in life. Stories you don’t tell many people because just thinking about it makes you feel bad. I have many of those. I want to Confess.

            We ended up back in his room and he shut the door behind us. I sat down on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed. His room looked different from mine. It was darker with grey sheets and comforters. There was a wooden desk in the corner with a small lamp.

“You were the lucky one who got the actual bed. I’ve been laying on this piece of crap of a mattress for a long time.” Max said smiling at me. He was right; you could feel the wires. It was a good thing the top bunk was high, so I didn’t have to bend my body down just so my head didn’t get hurt.

“So…” I said as we started to settle in and stare at each other. He smiled and shrugged.

“I don’t know. Where do you feel comfortable to start?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable” I told him.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, then you really don’t have to” He said. Was it too much that I was going to put my problems out on the table? Could I tell him everything that’s wrong with me? I felt vulnerable.

“Do you want to hear it?” I asked. I wasn’t about to tell this guy everything if he really didn’t care and want to know about it.

“I would like to know, but I don’t want you to feel that you have to do anything. I don’t want you to feel pressured. Okay?” He lightly touched my folded hands and I could feel my heart start to race.

“I guess I just feel safe with you.” I started to talk “I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about anything lately”

“Start from the beginning of the pain” he said.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this. Okay” I took a deep breath and looked back to him “I don’t want you to do anything drastic with the information I’m about to give you. That means if the police want to talk to you. You know nothing”

“I can’t promise you that” He whispered.

“What?! Then deal is off” I said as I started to get up.

“No, Jeana” He pulled me back down by my hips and my body shivered. I jolted back from him. I didn’t look up at him I just gripped my wrist. “Please don’t touch me like that”

“I can’t promise you that, because if anything you tell me is still putting you in danger. I’m not just going to stand by.” He said as he pulled himself back from me.

 “Oh please, don’t act like you’re about to do something” I said while rolling my eyes. I heard him sigh and I looked up from my arms.

“Don’t treat me like I’m some kind of a bad guy” He said. “I want to help you. And no matter what you went through, I want to be there to help you through it”

“Why? Why do you care so much? We barely know each other.”

“Maybe I want to know you better. Maybe there is something about you, that I want to know” He said. “I also feel...like we get each other. It’s like we are on the same level” He said the exact words I was thinking.

“Well, this whole thing is sort of my fault. I’m here because of how stupid I was back in august.” I said trying to just start my story without any more awkwardness.