In my mind ?

//Dear dad\\

Dear dad, Happy Father's Day.
I'm sorry I have not answered your calls.
I saw that photo on Facebook. You were sitting on that chair next to the wall.
You told me you've had a big fall.
Off of that horse of course.
You had those bruises scattered on your face. But you had a smile, you were strong.
But no. You did not have a big fall.
My auntie told me, you've tried to reach me. You've tried to come back home, five years ago.
    Instead, you got beaten up and all.
You got shot. You went through so much trauma.
For what? To see me?? I'm sorry father I haven't answered your calls. I just found out that it wasn't a fall.
My mother knew it wasn't a fall.
    She knew you were beaten and all.
Now I don't know who I should trust?
I don't know if you abandoned me or you had to go.
   Maybe you abandoned my family and I for your lust.
Your lust for that lady.
Or I don't know if you had to go because the world is a fucked up place. Because there isn't equality for all.
   I don't know if I should trust my mother. Because she lied about you, my father.
She knew that wasn't a fall.
    I am so sorry I didn't answer your call..

So I haven't seen my father in 10 years. And 2 weeks ago he called. I feel ashamed for ignoring it. But I didn't feel comfortable enough to answer. I feel guilty and all. I know Father's Day was like an hour ago but yeah. I'm late on posting this but here it is. I cried a bit. And this is like all over the place like it doesn't make sense and yeah I don't know

-Zain