Vaginismus - A Long Way to go?

First Try

So my first try was when I was still with my first boyfriend.

We read about Kegel exercise.

With strengthening your pelvic muscles you should be able to control the muscles tensing and untensing.

I did those exercises for some weeks and I could tense and untense them but not in the situation of penetration if didn't change anything for me.

But that's me.

So go and try it!

Always try everything for yourself.

So next thing I did was just exercising with one finger and lube. You basically try to suck in the finger with the muscles instead of pushing.
It sounds good actually.

But for me it just stopped working after like 1 or 2 cm, the same point as usual.

But it was an idea.

So after my first boyfriend broke up with me I banned Vaginismus from my thoughts for some months and did nothing. I didn't have a "reason" to do anything.

Then with my new boyfriend: I wanted to try it again so I just tried again every evening.

I called it "exercising" but that was my first mistake.
Due to that name it felt like a duty.
And I felt like I really had to do good and to be better than the day before and so it often ended in tears since I couldn't feel any progress.

It wasn't even a little bit fun. It was like chores. Like, I still have to clean the shower drain, which no one really loves doing I'd say.