Why is it
that whenever I try to become friends with someone, I always feel like I'm competing with someone else. It makes no sense. I don't get why it feels like when I'm trying to get to know a new friend, someone else is one-upping me. How do you one-up someone at getting to know them? Get to know them better? That hardly sounds fair; it's completely subjective.
And I get that you have friends that you've known longer and better than me in the few months we've spent together, but something always feels the slightest bit unfair. Again, I don't really know what it is or why, but I can be your friend too. I'm a human just as much as your other friend is a human. Why can't we both just be friends with you, another human? That's logical, right? Basic logic, but still. Why can't that just happen?
And then, just to make things more complicated, part of me thinks you feel like I'm not good enough. Once more, there is no particular explanation for why I feel this way, and I really shouldn't. That being said, I do understand that not all personalities go well together, and I've had friends that I didn't get to be as close with just because of who we were. This is different, though. This feels like there's something about me, something I do that you don't like and you just don't want to be friends with me. Honestly, I'd be okay if you didn't want to be close. It'd hurt a bit, but I'd be okay. What wouldn't be okay is if you don't tell me you feel that way and/or why, because that just makes it hurt more.
YOU ARE READING
What I could fit in my notebook
Non-FictionThroughout the second half of the school year, whenever I had time or whenever I felt like it, I wrote in a spare notebook I had. By the time I got to the end of the year, I felt like some of the things I'd written were worth mentioning. Though they...
