It is her choice .

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Tod

It's been a week since the car accident . I'm sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed with my hands on the head. Trying to get rid of the headache that I have from her daughters. Her daughters are fighting about letting her die naturally. Kathleen never wanted to live with hoses in her, feeding tube, and on a respirator. She's told me tons of times never let her live like a vegetable,
or in a coma.
I remember her telling me. Tody promise me never let me live like a vegetable.

Even if her mind is still in there. I know she would want me to let her go not leave her like this.
I go home, and look for her last will. I look in the envelope with the will. I find a card and a letter attached. The letter tells me what she want. Basically what's in the will. That she loves me. Also she has a video, so people can believe what she want. She tells me the card is for a lawyer in case things get nasty. She says she knows her daughters, and will cause a lot of problems. She tells me let lawyer handle it. I let a sigh of relief out. I say out loud I love you Kathleen. You sure know how to take care of everything. What am I going to do without you. Oh Kathleen, I love you. And the tears start flowing down my cheek. I think this time. I will not be able to stop. She would never put me down for crying. She love me for that . She told me that crying is a good thing. When you're sad, it lets all the emotions out. She says; I have a letter in safe deposit box my love. After a couple hours. My eyes were a bit swollen, and red. I called the lawyer and ask him would he take care of my wife will. I'm having problems with her daughters. The secretary said; Mr. Tod blacksmith everything will be taken care of your wife paid for everything ,you have nothing to worry about. We will call her daughters, and make sure you're not Disturbed anymore. I take a shower, and try to relax. People left food for me in the refrigerator way too much food. There's like 20 different meals and some of the things I've never heard of it. I lay there for a couple hours. I take two times the amount of sleeping pills, and I finally fell asleep.

I get up my eyes are bloodshot. I heat up one of the dishes. I take 3 bites and put it in the sink. I just wanted throw up. But I know Kathleen would be mad at me if I didn't eat ,and take care of myself. I drive to the hospital. I sit in my same seats. I hold your hands rub my thumb over her hand. I kissed her hand. I tell her I love her.

KathleenUgg, I can't seem to break free

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Kathleen
Ugg, I can't seem to break free. I feel like I'm drowning, the bottom of the sea. So much life. I can't wake up. Why can't wake up. Am I dead. I feel like I can't breathe. I can't seem to make it to the surface. Like I have weights on me.

Tod
I don't know if I could take anymore. I lost almost all my uncles, except for one he's only my uncle by marriage. I really don't know him very well. I had to put my grandmother in the Care Facility. My mother, and father passed away about six months ago ,because of the disease. I lost both my aunt's from my mom's side. I've lost all of my father's family, except for a half cousin. Catherine was there for all of it. Holding my hand ,helping with funeral arrangements. Because most of them died of the disease it's traveling the world. She made sure everybody was cremated. She would not let them fight with her about the cremation. She tells them as much has she been helping with people who could not go to a doctor, or Hospital, because there's no more room. Long life herbal gets a lot of people. Who can't get in medical facility. She make sure most of them have mask, and gloves. It's highly contagious disease. I've been gone for almost 2 years from home. I only see her 2 to 3 days during a funeral planning ,and funeral. 20 funerals in two years. Of all the things to die from a car accident. She doesn't drive. Maybe a tractor ,but not a car.
Ever since this war started she moved us out of the country to work on Farm. Rescuing domestic ,and wild animals. There's almost no animals authority working anymore. Growing herbs, spices, and Medicine for Long Life Herbs Shop. I was surprised how many people volunteered to take care of the animals. She keeps our home far away from the Animal Rescue. So we could have some type of normalcy in your life. She sends me food, snack, tea, and Medicine in care packages. I will be so lost without her. I don't know how I could go on without her.
She takes care of everything. She left me with a separate video. I think I will look at it in a couple days. When I can better handle her daughters, and the hospital.
I spent 2 whole days in her room. They didn't feed her or anything, except for once a day. Normally they would check every 2 hours your blood pressure, heart beat, the whole nine yards .The hospital so busy. They can't take any more people. They only took her, because it was a car accident.
You can't even get near the basement. There is just too many people dying of the disease. One floor is just one big giant refrigerator. They're backed up for weeks to cremate people. Oh God if there ever was a God why did he take her away from me. I don't know how I'm going to live. I just want to crawl in a hole, and die. I think she started the Rescue Animal part ,so I can have something to live for. She knows how much I love animals, like herself. Still like to crawl in a hole, and die.
I grabbed Kathleen hand. I rub my thumb in circles over hand. I tell her; Oh Kathleen I love you what am I going to do without you. I'm so glad you took care of everything. I just don't know if I can live without you. Tears rolled down my cheek my eyes are bloodshot. I need you. I can't seem to eat anything. I look in your eyes. And I can just hear you saying. I have food prepared in the freezer. All you have to do is take it out, and heat up in the microwave. I haven't even looked in the freezer. I tell you like you're talking to me. You know me so well. Even when you're not around you're always taking care of me. O please Kathleen wake up. I do not want to pull the plug on you. I'm only doing it ,because we agreed that would be the right thing to do.

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⏰ Last updated: Jun 19, 2016 ⏰

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