The Sacredness of Tears

Chapter 2

Mary decided to take over about halfway through the road trip. We decided to pull into a gas station, grab a bite to eat, and get a chance to stretch.
Once we got back on the road Mary chose her own playlist to have humming lightly in the background. The woods that flew by in the car window held my interest. Leaves that hung on the branches of the large, shady, trees were all different shades of green, swaying gracefully with each gust of the spring air that passed. The sky, though. Oh, the sky. Gray storm clouds enveloped the bright blue sky. I could feel it humming through my body. Rain. The rain didn't offer a warning of it's arrival in the form of a light mist, instead it suddenly fell from the sky in thick sheets- obscuring the view of the woods and the rest of the world around me.
"How am I supposed to see when it's raining like this?" Mary growled, leaning in closer to the windshield. I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Maybe the windshield wipers will help with that." I thought out loud as I reached forward and switched them on.
"Right, thanks."
I situated myself back into my seat before allowing the music to settle between Mary and I. Occasionally she would start a conversation, it would last for a few minutes, and then we would go back to silence. It wasn't until we passed the large Maine sign on the highway that I started to feel the butterflies.
I had a family. Have a family. And in less than an hour I was going to be face to face with them. Are we going to share any similarities? Will they see me and see my parents? Are they going to accept me? A million thoughts crossed my mind, and none of them made me feel any more at ease.
"Raiyn, we're almost to the house." Mary chimed, interrupting the comfortable silence that had settled between us.
"M'kay." I replied back in barely more than a whisper. I watched, entranced, as we pulled into a long driveway. Trees lined the dirt path that the car slowly traveled along. Excitement began to course through me as we got closer to the opening at the end of the driveway. A beautiful red house came into view as we finally got through tree lining. White shutters hung open allowing the crisp spring air and the sun's bright rays to pour in. It's beautiful glass door sat open, giving the large home an unbelievably welcoming feel.
"We. Are. Here." Mary exclaimed, enunciating every word. You could tell that she was more than happy to be done driving. I followed Mary up the driveway to where she stood in front of the doorway, where she left three delicate knocks on the wooden door frame.
"Hello?"  A woman's voice called out from the other side of the door. Footsteps could be heard from inside the house, rushing to reach the front door where I stood waiting. When she finally came into view I couldn't help but step away. She was beautiful, but that's not what made me cringe. Her resemblance with my mother was uncanny. Her golden brown eyes pierced through me as she watched me back away, their shades of caramels and chocolates danced in the light of the early morning sunshine. Her blonde hair was pulled into a loose bun on the top of her head, the way my mother would style her hair on a lazy weekend in. It was as though I was looking at a living, breathing photo of her.
"Raiyn..?" She choked out.
"Uh... yeah." I spoke quietly, caught in a gaze, trying to make sense of what was happening.
"My God... you've certainly grown since I saw you last." She watched me, taking the site of me in.
"I'm so very sorry that this was so rushed, Katherine." Mary held her hand out and gave the woman standing in front of us a gentle hand shake. The woman gaped at Mary, tears brimming in her eyes. I couldn't help but stare as she tore her gaze away from Mary to myself, her eyes softening when they fell on me.
"Come here." She choked out as she pulled me into a tight hug. "I'm sorry that you went through this all alone. I wish I had known. I wish I could've been there." My silence was her only answer, but I think she understood. I stood limp in her arms. I didn't know the woman yet I somehow felt like I had known her my entire life. Her tears dampened my t-shirt, but I didn't mind. I attempted to wrap my arms around her in a comforting embrace, or the best that I could muster.
"How are you? Are you alright?" She asked as she pulled herself away from our hug, still letting her hands linger on my shoulders as if she was afraid I would blow away with the next strong gust of wind. I couldn't help but wince as her grip tightened over a lingering bruise on my shoulder, still tender under her touch.
"Have I met you before...?" I genuinely had no memory of her. Her eyes widened in shock.
"You don't remember me?" She gaped. A brief shadow of hurt flashed across her face, but she quickly concealed it. "Well I suppose we haven't seen eachother in a long time. You used to call me Aunt Kay. But Kay is fine, okay?" She was careful to not push any boundaries, trying her best to make me as comfortable as possible in this extremely uncomfortable situation. I just nodded my head.
"How about we get settled in inside. You're probably hungry."
"I'll just run and grab my bags if that's okay and then I can meet you in there." I smiled as Kay agreed that the plan I offered up was perfect and that herself and Mary would be waiting in the kitchen when I was ready.
I took my keys and popped my trunk to grab the bags my life had been packed into only 14 hours prior. While I was walking back up to the front door I quickly sent Alex a message to let her know I was safe, she almost immediately sent back a message that consisted of heart emojis and just the words "Keep me updated". I stuffed my phone back in my pocket and let myself into the house I would now be expected to call home.
When I walked into the home, my breath hitched in my throat. My eyes gazed up at the beautiful chandelier that hung delicately in the spacious entrance. I couldn't help but let my eyes wander along the walls to see a large living room to my left and an extravagant staircase to my right. I walked down the hall, admiring the family portraits that were mounted along the hallway. I continued down the hall until I came to an opening that revealed the dining room and kitchen, where Kay and Mary were talking over their cups of coffee.
The kitchen was home to beautiful black countertops, where stainless steel appliances were perfectly arranged. The cabinets were a deep cherry wood with all glass doors, revealing beautiful porcelain dishware. I took a seat at one of the stools that occupied the space across the counter from Kay. My eyes wandered to the kitchen window that sat just above the sink, the sun bouncing it's beams off it's immaculate surface. And then to my left were large glass doors, leaving a beautiful view to the thickly wooded backyard. The backyard was done up well, providing a nice space to sit and enjoy the outdoors with a large wooden deck and a stone fire pit. The house from the outside was a beautiful, secluded, farm home while the inside was modern and polished. I adored it.
"Raiyn?" Kay's voice drifted into my thoughts like a gentle summer breeze and I was instantly snapped from my daze.
"I'm so sorry... I was just looking around." Embarrassment flooded over me- I was drooling all over her home.
"No need to apologize." She smiled gently. "How about a glass of water?"
"Please." I hadn't realized how overwhelmingly thirsty I was... must've been from all of the drooling. After nearly filling my cup to the brim she handed it over to me I thanked her and finished the glass in just a few quick gulps.
"I'm sorry if I'm intruding- but is there somewhere I could put my things? And if I'm being entirely honest, I'm exhausted. I didn't get much sleep on the car ride here." I forced a laugh. I mean, perhaps I was slightly tired. But I mostly just wanted to be alone. Everything was growing to be a bit much, it was all a lot to take in. Mary still sat at the counter beside me, sipping away at the coffee Kay had given him, I looked to her as if to gain permission to get away.
"Go ahead and get settled in. I'll wait for your aunt down here. I'll be sure to keep in touch with you, now go enjoy a much needed nap." Mary's smile was wide as she gave my hand a tight squeeze.
"Follow me!" Kay chirped as she started back down the hall towards the staircase. Offering to grab one of my bags she headed up the stairs, passing a few rooms before stopping and resting her hand on one of the door handles. She twisted the knob and allowed me in first. The walls were the same white color that occupied all the other rooms in the house and the curtains that covered the two windows were just plain black- and they were thick enough to completely stop the sun from coming in. I loved it.
"So you're more than welcome to stay in this room. It's technically the guest bedroom, but we can make it yours with some decorations if you'd like. There is a closet, a bed, a dresser, and a bathroom right off to the side over there." She pointed to the far right side of the room where the door stood ajar and I could see the mirror of the bathroom through the crack.
"It's perfect!" I smiled a genuine smile. "Thank you." I whispered as I gave her a small smile. It wasn't much, but it was what I could give. I contemplated a hug, but decided against it at the thought of her accidentally brushing against more of my bruises. Plus, I wasn't sure if the whole physical affection thing was my style. Maybe someday, but definitely not today..
"No problem. Now get some rest, I will come and wake you up for dinner, then you can meet your uncle and your cousins. Sound good?" She looked at me with a beaming smile spread across her face. I nodded and thanked her again. With that, she slowly retreated from the room and shut the door. Leaving me to be by myself. I didn't even bother to put on pajamas before I laid on the bed and rested my head on the pillow and before I knew it, my eyes gave into the lack of sleep and they closed leaving me to drift into a much needed sleep.
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My father's body laid on a clean metal table in the middle of an empty morgue. He was covered by a white sheet, but I didn't need to see his face to know it was him. Even in death he terrified me. I spun on my heel to leave the room only to find no door. No way out.
Swallowing my fear I took a step forward while wrapping my arms around my body in an attempt to stop my shivering. The smell of disinfectant filled my nose, causing my eyes to water. I choked on the cleaning chemical's combination with the stench of death. Now I was only inches from the table, a simple arm's reach from pulling the sheet from the mangled remains of the man I once called my father. Curiosity got the better of me and I let my hand numbly grasp the sheet and tug on it lightly.
Blood. His misshapen body laid in a pool of it. My hands trembled with each sharp intake of breath I took between sobs. Swollen from blunt force of colliding with his car's window. My eyes traced down to find his neck irregularly jutted. I let my hands fall on his chest. I wanted my father back.The father that my mother had loved. The father that I had loved. The father that had loved me.
I took another glance up despite my better judgement to only find something much worse than I had seen only seconds before. My father was replaced. The woman now lying on the table shared the same disgusting disfigurations my father had. Her beautiful blonde hair laid strewn across the table, matted in blood; her face swollen, body disfigured. I fell back, landing hard on the ground. I scuttled across the floor to find a wall, slamming my body against it for some form of stability while tears tore down my cheeks in hot waves.
I looked down at my blood stained hands and pulled them close to my chest.
Both of my parents' blood was on my hands.
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My sleep was occupied by the same horrible images that had been haunting everytime I closed my eyes. It was restless, exhausting and terrifying. I could never seem to shake myself from them- like I was stuck at my subconscious' will.  But as I leaned against the familiar cold wall, covered in my parent's blood, I felt something tugging at me. A delicate hand sat on my shoulder, shaking me from my nightmare.
"What?" I spoke out, trying to open my eyes to confront whoever was trying to pull me out of the hell I had created for myself.
"Mommy wants you to come downstairs; she says it's time for dinner." A young voice came from beside me. I finally opened my eyes to see a little boy of about four years standing directly to the right of me. His dark brown hair was askew, and his dark chocolatey brown eyes stared at me innocently. Freckles peppered across his nose and cheeks and forehead.
"Okay, just give me a minute." I smiled and started to sit up.
"Otay, I will see you in a minute." He beamed, letting himself out of the room. I sat for a moment and stretched my arms and legs as I stood up. I reached down in the bag that sat beside the bed and pulled out a hairbrush. I ran the hairbrush through my thick, knotted hair in an attempt to calm it. After quickly checking myself in the bathroom mirror I decided I looked decent enough and I quickly made my way out of my room and into the hallway. I could hear the quiet chatter of the family that sat downstairs. My stomach clenched as I got nearer and nearer to the bottom of the steps, I took small quiet steps as I slowly descended down the stairs, aiming to go unheard.
"Why is she here?" A male voice echoed through the halls, filled with venom that was meant to be directed at me. I couldn't help but feel the sting of tears at the thought of being dismissed so quickly. I was already being disowned by a family who didn't know me. I was an intruder. I was unwelcome in this home.
"She has nowhere else to go! And she's family! Now shut-up before she gets down here. How rude can you be?" My aunt violently whispered.
"Raiyn. Is that you? Come on out." Another male's voice boomed; it was much more masculine and deeper than the first male who spoke. Power rang through his voice and I felt obligated to respond.
I slowly stepped away from my hiding place by the stairs and into the open hallway. I made my way to the dining area. Four people sat around the furnished wooden table. The family that I had seen in all of the family portraits and photos around the house were all now sitting in front of me. A large man sat at the end of the table, his brown but graying hair was neatly combed back away from his evenly tanned face. His deep brown eyes stared at me, authority radiated from him. I looked to his left where another young man sat who seemed to be about my age. Across from him sat Kay, her brown eyes watched me with a gentleness that I do not recall having ever seen before, as I took my seat beside the young boy who sat to her right.
"Would you care to say grace Marcus?" My uncle spoke to the older boy who sat beside him.
"Mhm," Marcus mumbled as we all bowed our heads. "Thank you for blessing us with the food that was prepared for us and for letting Raiyn stay here with us. May we have a wonderful time with her here... Uhhh.. Amen." He quickly finished.
"Mom, could you hand me the smashed pataters?" The young boy asked with innocence.
"Of course Josiah, but say please." Kay scolded.
"Please..?" Josiah batted his long eyelashes and gratefully grinned as Kay put a couple of scoops of mashed potatoes on his plate. I let my eyes travel up from the table and found Marcus staring at me. He continued to stare at me until I got too uncomfortable and broke eye contact.
"Raiyn, would you like some steak?" My uncle questioned as he clamped a piece in between a fork and a sharp knife.
"Yes, please." Discomfort crept up my neck and simply festered as I sat at a dinner table surrounded by strangers.
He placed the steak on my plate and my mouth began to water. I took hold of the plate that Josiah handed me and scooped out some potatoes. I passed it across the table to Marcus, trying to avoid eye contact. I looked down at my plate that by now had steak, potatoes, and corn sitting on it. The last time that I had had a meal like this was before my mother died. I sighed deeply and got to work at finishing the food that sat on my plate.
"So, Raiyn..." When my name was spoken my head immediately snapped up, I made eye contact with my uncle to show I was listening. "I'm extremely sorry to hear about your parents. They were wonderful people."
"Peter... Not now." Kay piped, resting her hand on his lap. I understood what she was hinting at. A family dinner wasn't a good place to talk about dead family. She took a glance at Josiah. In front of him wasn't a good place either.
The rest of dinner remained silent, a somber cloud now hanging over everyone. When dinner was over, we all placed our dishes in the sink. Suddenly Josiah came running to me and grabbed a hold of my hand. He tugged me back down the hall towards the door and he made a sudden turn, and ran up the stairs.
"Where are we going?" I finally asked as we were half way up the stairs.
"Go put on your jammies and then come to my room!" He giggled as he continued down the hall and entered the room at the end of the hall on the right. I pushed myself into my room and shut the door. I stripped out of my old baggy clothes and put on some shorts and an old t-shirt of my mother's that I had since I was a child. I pulled my hair into a careless ponytail on the top of my head. I left my room and headed down the hall to the room Josiah had disappeared into. He was sitting on a large bed that sat smack dab in the middle of the room. He had a collection of movies spread out in front of him and he looked deep in thought. When he saw me enter the room a smile spread across his face.
"What are ya doing?" I asked coolly as I took a spot beside him on the bed. I wasn't good at small talk, but I've also never had a family to small talk with, so it was all still very new. But Josiah was so sweet, and he had such open arms to extending the family- I had to at least try. It would be a good start.
"Picking out a movie that we should watch." He replied without hesitation. I glanced at all of the movies that were sitting in front of us.
"What about that one?" I suggested pointing to Cars.
"I love that one!" He squealed as he hopped up from his seat and popped the movie in the DVD player. He quickly grabbed the other movies and placed them on the floor and sat beside me. He rested his back on the head rest of the bed. He nestled his head into my shoulder making me move my arm so it draped over his shoulders and he leaned into the side of my body. I slouched myself into a more comfortable position, and was unable to hold back a wide yawn.
About an hour into the movie I looked down to see Josiah snoring. I felt my eyelids weighing more. I let the darkness consume me once again and I drifted into sleep.

This chapter is unedited.