Leylah's Bakery

Dreams on Decaf

Senior year of high school was probably one of the most remarkable years of anyone's life. Even in the tiny town of Grottoes, Virginia, everyone was ecstatic and on edge from September to June. Local residents looked forward to Prom, Senior Activities, and generally, the end of high school. Students were hoping for acceptance into their dream college, looking forward to leaping into a family business, planning to travel, or, if you're me, hoping to save our hometown.

Grottoes was a beautiful place, but larger corporations kept buying acres of forest land. I wanted to fundraise to keep our largest state forest, and I knew I could accomplish anything with the support of my best friend.

Tal Myers was my favorite human being on the face of the Earth, and I hoped that whatever I started after high school included them. Being in such a small town, it was a hit and miss with whether or not people accepted certain things; yet Tal was the most reasonable, accepting, and compassionate person I had ever known. Even when I came out as Pansexual in 8th grade, Tal didn't bat an eye.

In fact, it brought us closer together. A conversation followed, explaining what made me realize my sexuality, what my sexuality was, and why I even felt the need to come out.  In all honesty, the conversation had been etched into my mind since it occured.

"Hey Natalia... I uh, I have something to tell you before summer starts," I had gulped, and was rubbing my arm self consciously.

"What's up Ley?  I haven't seen you this nervous since we first started middle school!  I know high school will be bigger and harder Leylah, but what else is there to worry about before summer?" Tal tried to reassure me, letting their caramel hair wave behind their shoulders, plastering a hopeful grin on their face.

"Well, you know your parents are gay, and I know it too.  I think they're some of the most astonishing people I have ever met, Tal, and your parents are so good to me..." my eyes were glossing over, and I sucked in a tight breath before I continued, "I think I'm like them, Natalia, similar but different."  I scrunched my eyes shut, bracing for impact and silently praying that my best friend would be just as accepting of me as they were of their family.  Wasn't I practically family?

"Oh... Oh!  Gosh Leylah why did that have you so worried?  What do you mean by similar but different, anyway?  Gosh Ley, you have to elaborate, now, otherwise I'll stay confused all summer wondering what you mean!" Tal pressed on excitedly.

Relief washed over me as I opened my eyes.  I decided I might as well do as suggested and explain myself.

"Well, I uh, think I'm pansexual, Tal.  It means that I'm attracted to anyone, with no prefence regarding someone's uh... well, their biological gender, you know?  Like, I can be attracted to boys or girls or people in between, people who are neither or both.  You know how Andy Lang calls him- I mean, themself androgynous?  Well I... I really really like Andy so... I found out that way.  Andy isn't a boy or a girl, y'know?" I shut my eyes again, flinching, like Tal would sprint away or stick their tongue out pretending to barf at the very mention of me liking someone who was neither a boy or a girl.

To my surprise, Tal just looked mildly disappointed, and opened their mouth to speak, "Darn! I really though you liked Megan.  You always talk to me about your science projects with her," Tal teased, poking my arm. 

"Hey! That's not true!" I shouted back.

Later that night is actually when Tal confronted me about being transgender.  Actually, it was when her family came over to my house that Tal had pulled me into my room and whispered it to me.  What made my heart ache was that Tal didn't plan on coming out to their parents anytime soon, and I always hoped and prayed everything would work out.

Even to this day, I still wasn't out to everyone, but then again,

Is anyone ever out to everyone?

Regardless of all of this, I hoped that I could help my hometown, and attract more income and attention. Plus, after my plan succeeded, I hoped to come out to the entire residence. Hypothetically speaking, could people still be trapped in their heteronormative ways if I did succeeded in preserving our town? Even if some people were homophobic, surely, nobody would hate me if I helped Grottoes.

Opening a bakery would really do the job, and that, by the way, is what I dreamt to do. It might even be more of a café bakery, if that makes sense. Imagine waltzing into this brand new store, filled with pastel colors, and the smell of something in the oven everytime you come in. I'd have fresh muffins, cakes, cupcakes, bread of all types, cookies, coffee beans, coffee; you get the idea.

But, for now, those were just dreams, and what I had to focus on currently was senior year.  Alot of things plagued my thoughts, like academics, extracurriculars, and preparing for the bakery in general.  I had applied to colleges, but had debated whether or not I would accept any offers.  If I really wanted to open this bakery, it would require every ounce of my care and attention.  My mind, body, and soul would need to be dedicated to its very being, and I would need to be at a college in Virginia to make it work.  

Even with that in mind, I couldn't bare being away from Tal.  That was my number one priority, because they were my number one.  If anything was going to ensure that I reached my goals, it would be the fact that I planned to work with Tal step by step throughout the entire process.  Nobody would keep my best friend and I from accomplishing our life goals.