You loving me shouldn't be the reason why I love myself, but at the time I didn't understand that concept or maybe a part of me refused to understand that concept. Either way for years I struggled & felt so unworthy in all my past relationships because I refused to walk away; because I felt like I needed a guy's love in order for me to be happy & to love myself. I could never figure out how I gave so much of me and I still wasn't enough. I didnt realize I had to be enough for myself before I could be enough for him. I had to understand my own soul & be my own soulmate before I could be his soulmate and until I learn how to love myself I'll never know what true love is. Which is why so many times I thought I was in love only to be deceived. I thought I was loving him wrong but in reality I was loving myself wrong. How can I give love to somebody else if I don't even know what love is because I was neglecting myself so though it seemed as if I was treating him good I was really neglecting him. We reflect what we are so yes I was attracting all the wrong men but they were based off a reflection of myself. So after years of being a broken woman I finally decided I had to make a change within myself. I decided that the pain of being alone was worth me learning to love myself. I decided to make myself happy rather than temporarily depend on a man to make me smile. I knew it would be hard and some nights I'll feel like giving up but I knew the outcome would be worth it. I knew once all of this was over I'd be the great woman god created me to be. I'm not ashamed to say I'm still learning and that I'm nowhere close to the self loving woman I'll one day be but I'm nowhere close to that broken woman I use to be.
