Modicum

One

“You have taken all the wind out from my sails, and I have loved you just the same.”

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Velia was cold and (it seems) infinitely hungry. She had finished a pint of Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough an hour ago, but now, as she watched Jason Segel get wasted in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, she developed an urge to stuff her face full of Doritos.

She sighed and grabbed her phone from the nightstand, reading five new messages from Affy.

18.36, Affy Cooper: Coming over in thirty minutes! Are you ready?

18.41, Affy Cooper: Please tell me you are.

18.43, Affy Cooper: Jesus Christ, Velia, you promised that we’d hang out…!!!!!

18.45, Affy Cooper: At least reply so I know you’re still alive, and not drowning in breakup movies.

18.52, Affy Cooper: You’re wallowing in self-pity and 500 Days of Summer, aren’t you?

Velia rolled her eyes at the last one and turned her attention back to her laptop. It has been two weeks since Alex broke up with her (see also: public humiliation) but she couldn’t make herself get over the fact that she was probably never going to find anybody else now.

She wasn’t a prude, exactly, and she knew Alex wasn’t the only man out there, but what he said to her that day stuck: I’m not sure about you. You’re always there, but it always feels like your mind is someplace else. You’re always trying to brush over my attempts at being a boyfriend. I’m not sure you even need a boyfriend, Velia, because it seems to me like you don’t need anybody at all.

He had a point. Since she was a kid, she’d always been accustomed to being alone. She’d stuck with her dolls, and then her diaries, and then music, and then books after that. She had friends, but she didn’t keep many. At most, she had three, and the rest were acquaintances.

Velia never liked asking for help, because she learned long ago that it meant showing your weakness to others. All she wanted was to be strong.

She felt the tears brimming in her eyes again, and she forced herself out of bed to grab the last pint of ice cream from the freezer. She went to the cupboard to look for chips but found only beef jerky. She glanced at it, then back to the chocolate ice cream in her arms, and back again to the jerky.

Then she shrugged, grabbed it off the shelf and crawled back to bed.

“If my mom could see me now,” she muttered, as she popped the lid off the ice cream. She scooped it up and put it in her mouth, letting the treat melt on her tongue as she concentrated on opening the pack of the jerky.

Kristen Bell and Russell Brand came into the screen, just as Jason Segel was checking into the hotel. “You poor schmuck,” Velia muttered around her spoon.

She sniffed at the beef jerky, feeling her mouth water. She grabbed a strip from the pack and took a spoonful of ice cream, spreading the dessert on the jerky.

There was a knock on her front door, followed by Affy saying, “Open up!”

She ignored this, and took a bite of the food, working around chewing the beef jerky. Velia was spreading the second spoon of chocolate over the food when Affy barged in, grabbed the jerky from her hand and threw it in the trash bin.

Then she took in her best friend’s state: disheveled hair, discarded tissues, two pints of ice cream beside her (one empty), a laptop open to a breakup movie, and a pack of beef jerky. Affy grabbed the last one from Velia’s hands, looking over the branding.