Inquest

Inquest Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Frigid

The first thing I see when I open my eyes is Milo sprawled uncomfortably on the sling chair next to the bed. I’m not sure how he’s even breathing with his head tilted back in such an awkward position. My eyes travel down his arm to where his hand meets mine. He held my hand all night. I know I doubted him last night after Lance’s warning, but in this moment, I could never believe he would hurt me.

I am content to let him sleep as long as he wants, although I do consider moving him to the bed. Before I can take action Milo begins to stir. His eyes flutter open and find me. His tired smile makes it impossible for me to be anything other than grateful to him. Milo tries to sit up and winces. One hand rubs his neck vigorously, making me feel just a little guilty. He shakes it off, and I tug on his hand until he climbs up next to me. I lay my head on his shoulder, grateful for his nearness after such a terrible night.

Brushing my mangled curls out of my face is trickier than one might expect. It takes Milo a few tries to clear them enough to keep from getting a mouthful of hair. His cheek rests lightly against my temple, momentarily distracting me with thoughts of what he was going to say at the dance last night before Lance interrupted us. I want to ask, but there are other things weighing more heavily on my mind right now. I have a plan for today, and I want Milo with me, but I don’t think he’s going to like what I have to say.

“You stayed,” I say, surprising myself, because that wasn’t what I meant to start out with.

“You were crying. I couldn’t leave.” Milo’s holds onto me, but he feels stiff and uncertain.

“Oh, I didn’t realize,” I say. I never sleep well, but last night was particularly awful. I didn’t realize I let my pain show. An even deeper sense of gratitude fills me. “Thanks for staying with me, Milo.”

The tension he’s been holding melts away. His hands slide around me, and I’m almost sure his lips press lightly against my forehead. Goosebumps ripple across my body at what might have been an imagined touch. I want him to kiss me for real, but at the same time, I’m not sure I want to take that next step. Milo has been changing over the last couple of weeks. His strange controlling side makes me nervous, not to mention it bugs the heck out of me.

When he suddenly shifts into this softer, more caring Milo I don’t know what to think. It’s definitely nice, but where’s the sarcastic, couldn’t-care-less Milo I befriended in the first place? Not to mention I have some demons from my past to face down, Guardians and Seekers breathing down my neck, a destiny to figure out, and an ex-boyfriend who is confusing me more every time I see him. I’m afraid I’d just screw up a relationship right now, and I don’t want to hurt Milo.

“I was worried about you last night,” Milo says, interrupting my muddled thoughts. “You wouldn’t wake up, but you kept crying and sobbing. You wouldn’t respond to me at all.”

Imagining myself bawling on the bed while Milo sat by my side helpless to do anything makes my barriers against him crumble a little more. I feel bad for him, but picturing myself alone and crying upsets me as well. I’ve been alone since my dad died, but I had kind of hoped Milo was starting to fill that void. “Maybe, you could have…you know, sat by me or something.”

The corner of Milo’s mouth turns up in a guilty smile. “I did, actually. I spent most of the night with my arms around you. It didn’t help as much as I thought it would. I moved to the chair when you finally calmed down because I didn’t want to freak you out if you woke up next to me.”

I don’t think I would have minded that, actually, but I’m not going to admit it to him. I’m not sure how he’d react to that. He may want to stay every night if he was about to say what I think he was last night. A request like that would be hard to resist after realizing how he held me all night. Or, he might think I was pushing things way too far and go back to being completely vague about his feelings for me. Milo admitting he wanted to stay would definitely be nice, but his pulling back would keep things less complicated.