THE BLIND GLASS RAGE

19

a/n: something dumb about me: i usually write a lot of random little parts from my stories and stick them in draft chapters that clog of my table of contents, but for the stories ive actually finished, i haven't done that ?? i kept everything clear for deep breath and goner and this story, too, and ?? i just ??

wrote my first blowjob scene yay me

***

Josh's hair was moving against the skin of his forehead, all smooth and lively as he spoke, his hand in constant contact with my arm, and his eyes boring into mine. He was talking about funnel cake, but there was something in his gaze that I knew was meant for me, and me only, with the familar warmth that I felt spilling from him. It was exactly like how it felt to watch him drink wine.

I wanted him to know that we're all a few heartbeats away from complete and utter disaster, and I wanted him to know that I felt like he was my particular disaster. But I said nothing. Smiled and drank the soda that lived to dehydrate me as much as possible, but didn't say anything that would require any suspicion on top of it. Josh and I were becoming increasingly good at hiding everything we were feeling, though. Hiding it from everyone else. We played the game well, and we played it silently.

"No, I'm winning you this fucking panda bear, Audrey. You can't tell me what to do!" That was Parker, in all kinds of places over some stuffed toy he couldn't win for his girlfriend. My laughter was soft and light every time my eyes caught the back of his head, watching him pull his arm back and aim for the target he had to successfully hit. Once more, he missed it completely, and I raised my eyebrows up at his back, trying not to shout some form of encouragement. It would most likely sound as bad as I didn't want it to. "Can I just pay for the goddamn bear, sir?"

"Sorry." The worker shrugged. We had physics together, I knew. He sat in the front row. "You have to win it."

"Holy shit. You know what? Fine," Parker grinned idiotically at that panda that did nothing but sit on the wall of the booth, looking down at him and wondering when he'll be released. "Take my money." It was a ten dollar bill, and I laughed up at him while Josh grabbed at me.

"We should help him," Josh shrugged.

"I'm not giving any money to this rigged game."

"It's not rigged if we win it."

In between his words, I could sense his eyes on my face. For less than a second, though, those eyes skimmed down my body. He gave no indication of even seeing me, and just looked directly through me, to what I'm sure he hoped was real. And nothing that I say seems to make any fucking sense, so he's probably looking at me and thinking, you cynical, selfish bastard. Too bad I'm thinking relatively the same thing.

"We're going to win Audrey a stuffed panda bear." Josh said. For each dollar, you get three shots. So we ended up with thirty attempts to knock this shit down. There didn't seem to be any visible rules against more than one person playing, and as soon as we discovered that (by all three of us locking eyes, and getting that grin that boys get when they're doing something they shouldn't be, like the pack of wild animals that people were born to be. Not even just males, really.), it was game over.

Audrey and Noah stood behind the three of us, laughing at our attempts while we raged over some game you probably couldn't win. We couldn't keep ourselves together, though, and with the happiness pounding through my veins and screaming through my chest, the fact that Josh was acknowledging me, and Audrey's straightened hair, I felt dangerously invincible. Like nothing could touch me even if I allowed it to. I thought we were laughing too much to even aim.