I haven't talked to you in a week.
Kind of expected you not to text me first. But it never happened.
What else can I expect from someone who has given up on trying to be happy?
I don't know what's going on with us and I hate it. Every thing that is going on is just destroying me. Not just you. But everything. I wake up and I lack the motivation to get up in the morning. I don't care now whether or not I look good or not. Or if I talk to anyone. I'm just there. I'm sad but more numb. I'm not happy. The only time I felt happy was when I was back home. But home means a lot of definitions. It can mean my best friends arms and it is but it was also those times wherever the hell we were together. But now I don't expect for anything to happen. I just wake up and in a couple of hours sleep. I'm tired of this. I'm just tired of surviving. I need to feel alive but every single day spent here makes me feel more dead than alive. It's a shame knowing your next hug is over 1,000 miles and a while away. Because who travels 1,000 miles on the daily basis. I miss hugs. My last hug was April 11 or the 12th (i cant remember) my last hug before that one was June 4th 2015. Not having any contact with anyone I know or just any friends is really tough on someone who should be having a social life. But It's not even that I don't get to see any friends It's just anyone my age in general. I do online school and it is just such a killer. I don't participate in any clubs or anything like that so I don't even get any contact except from family members. And it's tough. No one I know can understand the way I feel and I hate it when someone says "I miss you" because it hurts me so much..
