My life should be joyous. I have everything that anyone could wish for, but I can not find the joy in life. I look at what I have and think why do I have any right to be sad. I have things that most kids would only dream of having. Though there is no joy in my life. Sometimes I think that if I gave up everything that I have I might find joy. Then I end up being at a lost for what joy is. I used to be joyful when I was younger, but that was such a long time ago that I forgot what it felt like to be joyful.
You can tell by the many lines that go up my pale forearms that I can't find joy. What a nice word, joy. I wouldn't know what it felt like to be joyful again. Not caring about what people thought of you or that you may be worth less. I wonder what that feels like. To not go home everyday and cry. To not shed blood and hope that the emotional pain that you feel will go away. To think that all the problems that your loved ones are facing are caused by you. That if you hadn't been born maybe the world would be a better place. Wouldn't that be nice for a change.
I may sound down right sad, but that is what I have come to. Maybe I should lighten up and find joy in my life, but as you can see I can't find it. I have lost something that I may never see again. Joy.
