With Sinatra's Help

"Some day, when I'm awfully low,

When the world is cold,

I will feel a glow just thinking of you

And the way you look tonight."

An involuntary smile slowly tugged at my lips as happiness found its way into my heart. A little sigh escaped me as I heard my favorite song play on the radio. The old world cafe in this tiny town had inadvertently made by day. It had taken away the loneliness from my heart, warmed it and reminded me of my Bill.

Sinatra had helped Bill propose to me with this very song close to thirty years ago. I can still remember the teen Bill going down on his knee with a pop -top of a Pepsi can as he proposed to me while Sinatra played in the background. "Will you be marry me Cindy? " He had whispered as he blushed and sweated waiting for me to reply.

We married at eighteen, barely out of high school and completely broke. We had nothing with us and yet, in a mouldy old flat we celebrated our wedding with Sinatra and his orchestra. I could still see us dancing on this song. Bill had his arms around me, his warm breathe on my neck as he softly repeated the lyrics close to my ear. With Bill by my side, I soon found the dingy place becoming home.

Sinatra, Bill and our love turned the rusty little thing into a warm love filled home that was soon overflowing with three rowdy children.Sinatra helped Bill and me live through the best years of our lives. Twenty years of wedded bliss with Sinatra's songs as the centre of every celebration had been Bill's gift to me.

Sinatra had been there too, when Bill left me, forever. If I close my eyes, I can still remember the feel of his warm yet fragile body as he lay next to me in his hospital bed, losing his battle against Cancer. The night before his demise he quietly scribbled something and hid it under our pillow, "Read it tomorrow." he whispered as he winked at me. I always wondered if he had known he would never wake up and done this for me or perhaps he wanted to slip away, as quietly as possible, knowing that I would not let him go.

I can still hear his soft broken voice as he whispered his love to me at night. We had been in bed, holding each other. I still remembered how hard my heart had been hammering that night, somehow I knew I would never be with him again. Somehow, he knew it too. He lay with his head near mine and whispered I love you a million times, begging I never forget his love for me, no matter how bleak the days would soon be. I whispered the same to him, telling him how much I loved him, needed him. I remember begging him to fight, to will to live for us. I remember how he had laughed quietly, "If I could baby, I would never have put you through hell. But Our Holy Father has plans my love and I cannot interfere with them now, can I?"

He never woke up. Quietly, in the dead of the night, he crept away from me. I can still remember pulling the note from under his pillow and reading his last words. Sinatra had helped him again. The note read-

Softly, I will leave you softly

For my heart would break if you should wake and see me go

So I leave you softly, long before you miss me

Long before your arms can beg me stay

For one more hour or one more day

After all the years, I can't bear the tears to fall

So, softly as I leave you there

PS: Stay here love, the kids need you. Be strong for me as you become strong for them. Promise me you will live and teach them how to live. I want you to promise me that you will not come for me till our kids have settled and are happy in their lives.....