Solitaire

485 16 5

by Simon-Nevo

by Simon-Nevo

based on Marina's song.

~Caspar's pov~

Don't wanna talk anymore, I'm obsessed with silence.

It's been 2 weeks since Joe left me, nono, left EVERYONE. But i can't blame him. It was all my fault. If only I hadn't been so FUCKING STUPID! "WHY JOE?!? WHY NOT ME?!?" I scream into my pillow. I've been such a mess the last 2 weeks.

I go home and I lock my door

<f̲̅l̲̅a̲̅s̲̅h̲̅b̲̅a̲̅c̲̅k̲̅>

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING'? I SAW YOU PRACTICALLY SWALLOWING THAT GUY!"
Please let Joe believe it really didn't mean anything for me. It really didn't, I was drunk and then that guy suddenly was kissing me all over the place.
"Please Joe, please believe me, it really didn't mean anything to me. And by the way, I wouldn't replace you with anyone."
"Maybe, you know, maybe i shouldn't have let it come to this," Joe's crying and I just want to do the last night over again, only difference I would punch the guy all over the place instead
of kissing him,"Maybe I shouldn't have let it get to a point where you meant the world to me" Joe cries out.

<e̲̅n̲̅d̲̅ o̲̅f̲̅ f̲̅l̲̅a̲̅s̲̅h̲̅b̲̅a̲̅c̲̅k̲̅>

I can hear the sirens
I see buildings and bars from the window
And I listen to the wind blow

I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET HIM KISS ME
BECAUSE NOW YOU'RE GONE AND I'M ALL ALONE. FEELING LIKE SHIT. "WHY JOE? WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU'D LEAVE I REGRETTED EVERYTHING! AND GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE ACTUALLY GONE! I HATE MYSELF!!!" i cried harder and harder, throwing stuff all over the place. A shattered phone there, a broken light in the corner, a hole in the wall. Suddenly i saw it, that one USB you wouldn't give to me under any circumstances whatsoever. I plugged it into my MacBook and i opened the only video that was on it.

I see people and cars covered in gold
And I'm happy to be on my own
Hard like a rock, cold like stone

"Hey Caspy, I made this video for our 2nd anniversary as a couple. First of all, i want to tell you that I love you allot, and will never stop doing it. Even not when I die, I'll be Joe the loving ghost."
I'm bawling my eyes out. Our anniversary should've been 4 days after Joe left.
I watched the video and at the end, I burst out In tears of sad and happy and pretty much every emotion possible.
"And therefore. Will you, Caspar Lee, will you be my husband, best friend and roommate for the rest of my live?"

I unplugged the USB and whispered "Yes Joe, I will." as i took out the ring that was inside the little black box attached to the USB
"Yes. I. Will"
I took the 40. caliber out of the nightstands drawer. I took the bullet with Joe's name on , so the person finding the bullet knows that the last thing that went trough my head was Joe, and put it in.
"I will see you soon, Joe, I love you"
I see memories flooding my mind.
Our first kiss
First date
First time being drunk together
'The' first time
'The' last time
The incident
You proposing
And now.
I see the future.
First time shooting a bullet hole in my head.
🔫*bang*🔫

White like a diamond, black like coal
Cut like a jewel, yeah I repair
Myself when you're not there
Solitaire

______

THIS IS BORDERLINE SHIT
BISH, I'M OUT