20. Survivor

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I stand just off the stage as Tiberius talks to the crowd. I'm not sweating, my heart isn't racing, somehow I'm not nervous, just determined.

"Alright folks. You've been watching the story unfold right before your eyes. Watching her every move, but tonight we aren't going to watch, we are going to listen. Here's the victor of the First Annual Hunger Games, Aldera Clearwater!"

I walk to Tiberius and my steps don't falter. I smile at him as he kisses my hand, but I know it's not a happy smile.

"Welcome, welcome. Have a seat."

"Thank you."

"Now Aldera once again your stylist has outdone herself. Your dress is amazing, your hair is on fire! You just look lovely, haha!"

"Thank you, I don't know what I would do without my stylist." Probably the only sincere words I'll say tonight.

"I love it! Now, it's time to talk seriously. When you went into the arena did you ever expect an outcome like this."

"I thought I was going to die that first day, and even when I didn't I never thought I would make it to the end."

"Now, some--not me--are saying that you volunteered because you knew you could win, is that true?" He looks at me intently.

My guard goes up but I try not to let it show. "I volunteered to save my friend's life... and I won because a friend was trying to save mine."

He nods. "I'd like to ask you about some of the other tributes, is that okay?" I can't believe he even asked it's not like I have a choice in anything.

"Of course," is all I say.

"Did you know Roxen before the Games?"

"I saw him around a few times, but never talked to him."

He nods. "And you trusted him?"

"With my life."

"And what about Kestrel?" he asks.

I take a deep breath. "With Kestrel it was harder. He was friendly during training and seemed like a decent guy. I don't know if I ever fully trusted him fully, but while he was my ally I felt like he wouldn't hurt me."

"I see. Now, we as an audience saw that he never died, but you didn't know until the end. What was that like for you when you saw him?"

"I was shocked at first, I thought he might be something that the gamemakers had put in there like Roxen had described, but as he explained it it started to make sense. And after that I was only focused on how to make it out."

Tiberius nods again. "I have one final question, before Kestrel appeared Roxen had asked you to kill him. Would you have gone through with it if Kestrel hadn't been there?"

Why does he have to ask stupid questions like these. I sit up a little taller. "I think I would have, for him and for me. Before Kestrel got there I had nearly gotten up the courage to do it. I mean I was about to, but he killed him before I could."

Tiberius stands and offers me his hand. "Well thank you so much for answering all my questions and congratulations." He turns to the crowd. "Give it up for Aldera Clearwater, our very first victor from district 11!"

I exit the stage and Tullis, Inala, and Rye all hug me at once.

"Good job," Rye says.

"You were great out there." Tullis smiles. "And I love your hair."

"Absolutely perfect," Inala says.

They lead me back to floor 11. The place feels empty despite the peacekeepers stationed at every door. We eat dinner and I leave early telling them I'm tired. And I am, just not physically. I'm mentally exhausted from acting like everything is fine when it's apparent that it's not.

I enter my room and memories come flooding back. I was on the edge before but now I'm hurtling over the side. Falling and falling. I run into the closet and just have time to seal the door before the tears come. I collapse onto the ground and let the sobs out, not caring who can hear.

Twenty-three innocent children are dead and I got to live. Why me? I thought I wanted this but this isn't living. Twenty-three and I may as well have killed them all. And it's going to happen again and again year after year and who's going to stop it? The capitol will never let up in fear that they'll lose control again.

I take a few deep breaths and the waterfall subsides for a moment. I need to do something, I need to fix this somehow.

The door opens and Talon steps in.

"What are you doing here?" I stand.

I heard you. Are you okay? He closes the door but doesn't move toward me.

"That's a good question." I sigh. "You have to go, if they catch you they'll kill you or worse."

They've already been torturing me. They only stopped to test us, see how you would react.

I take another deep breath. "Are you okay? I can't believe you're still alive."

I'll be fine. He won't look at my eyes.

"Will you?" I ask.

Yes. Once you go back to 11 and things calm down it'll go back to normal.

"Being an avox isn't normal."

I know, but there's not much I can do. He finally looks at me. Did it change you?

"Of course, I killed people."

But you're not one of them? You're not a killer?

"No."

He nods. I should go. He leaves before I can say anything else.

I sink back down to the floor, not crying. The river has dried up just like the leaves of this dress. I make a promise to myself that I'm not going to cry anymore. I am going to survive this no matter what it takes.



Hi everyone! So what did you think of this chapter? Do you think it was okay for Talon to come talk to her? Do you think anyone will find out about it? Do you think Aldera became a killer in the Games? What do you think they did to Talon while she was gone? What did you think of the interview? Please comment and if you liked this chapter please give it a vote! Thanks for reading!

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