You say you don't know everything, in fact, you know nothing in this broad universe we live in. However, you tell me you have me completely figured out. You know exactly what I'm feeling and exactly what I'm thinking every second of the day. (Then of course, you play it off saying you never said that and your innocent and ive ruined your day blah blah blah.) Guess what? You know nothing! We may live together, but that doesn't mean you know me! And it makes me want to drive a screw through my ear everytime you say "Don't for a second think that. I know what your thinking. I can see it on your face. (Insert character insult here.)" Oh, yeah. Because you don't make mistakes, you repugnant privileged bitch. Don't you dare, for a fucking second say you know what I'm thinking. Say you have me figured out. Say you know who I am. I'M TIRED OF YOU TELLING ME I'M SUCH A BAD PERSON AND INSULTING AND DEGRADING ME.
"All you care about is your appearance. All you care about it was others think." Maybe, because in 6th grade, you constantly mentioned my acne. Holding me down forcing me to let you "pop my hideous pimples." Telling me you know I don't wash my face, when I still have memories of vigorously scrubbing my face while crying because my mom told me my pimples made me ugly. When in fact, it was a normal thing for a 12 year old going through puberty to experience.
Maybe it's because you made fun of me everyday for the hairstyle or clothes I wore, telling me that everyone is going to stare at you. Everyone is going to think your weird.
Maybe it's things like when I get out of the car saying: "How did people like you new ____" *Insert worried face, wide eyes, clenched teeth.*
Maybe it's things like "Well maybe people would like you if you didn't wear/act ______"
Maybe it's you constantly mentioning my weight. Doubting I "actually weigh ____" Grabbing my fat. Asking me to run with you to "get rid of some." When I get home from the gym, telling me I needed it. For you to tell me my butt get jiggles when I walk and I need to do squats to get rid of the fat.
I'm only "perfect the way I am" when I call you out on your shit. "I only lovingly mentioned those things because I love you." Love isn't mentioning flaws and telling someone to change.
"All you care about it yourself." Really? Is that why I donate to charities constantly and give to the homeless? Is that why I buy my friends things constantly? Is that why I stay after class to clean up the classroom and halls? Is that why I stick up for people? I may not be as selfless as a lot of people, but I do care about people other than myself.
But I'm only a "doormat" when I call you out on your shit.
REMEMBER:
When I told you I couldn't see?
"You just want glasses. Stop pretending." I still can't see to this day.
When you insulted cutters?
"I don't know... they say it helps them escape a pain or something..
I don't know it's kind of stupid and I think anyone is stupid for doing it because it doesn't even do anything lol." I held back tears and covered my wrists. I still cut to this day.
When I told you a lesbian gave me a nice note saying she liked me?
You told me "dont get too flattered." And said that it was gross. You later said "ew" as we drove past my lesbaian friend. You wouldnt let my sister see our cousin kissing his girlfriend in a picture. I'm still have an interest in girls and are confused with my sexuality.
The first time I told you I was bullied?
"That's not cool. Maybe you should tell the teacher or something. I don't know just ignore them. God, your not suppossed to have problems. I don't want to hear about it." I'm still bullied to this day SEVERELY.
When I told you I was depressed? I thought something was wrong with me?
You smiled with that sunken in lip look you always have, the "i know more than you" look. The look that no joke makes me want to stab you everytime your lips curl in. I hate your lips. They are so thin and ugly and they spew out the most condesending words. You turned to me and said "We have raised you so well. You have one of the best lives out of all your friends. There's nothing wrong with you. There never could be. Stop looking for attention." I'm still depressed and more than sure there are several things wrong with me.
When I told you I have really bad anxiety and get attacks?
You and dad sat me down and told me that's how you felt when you were little. I was overjoyed and thought: "Oh joy, they understand. They can help me." My joy was killed when you said I'm lying about having anxiety attacks and everybody has a little anxiety. They told me they never had medication and they were fine. "You can't give medication to something the whole world has. You'll be fine." But it's not a little anxiety, at least that's what I tried to tell you. I still have anxiety and get weekly attacks.
When i told you I wasn't eating at all?
"That's not good honey, but you AREN'T overweught." You chuckle and walk away. I still barely eat to this day.
When I told you I wanted to kill myself? "Its completely normal. I would be worried if you didn't feel that way." I still want to end my life.
YOU THINK YOU HAVE ME FIGURED OUT??? YOU TOLD ME I HAVE A PERFECT LIFE.
DOES SOMEONE WITH A PERFECT LIFE GET BULLIED? HAVE ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION? GET EMOITIONALLY ABUSED BY THEIR MOTHER? SOMETIMES PHYSICALLY? INVOLVED IN A FAMILY DRUG BUSINESS? HAVE AN ALCHOHOLIC MOTHER? CUT THEMSELVES? HAVE AN UNSUPPORTIVE HOMOPHOBIC MOTHER? GET TOLD TO CHANGE HOW THEY LOOK? STRUGGLE TO GET UP IN THE MORNING? HAVE PARENTS WHO REFUSE TO GET THEM HELP? WANT TO DIE EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY?
YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME BUT YOU FUCKING DONT. I'M NOT PERFECT, I'M A SOMEWHAT TERRIBLE PERSON, I'M FAT AND UGLY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND ME EVERYDAY. I AM THE WAY I AM BECAUSE OF YOU. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE OF YOU. DON'T TELL ME I DON'T NEED HELP AND I HAVE A PERFECT LIFE. NEWS FLASH, YOU DIDNT RAISE ME RIGHT. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE BITCH.I CANT IMAGINE ANY PERSON OR THING I HATE MORE. YOUR A HORRIBLE MOTHER TO ME AND I HOPE YOU FINALLY REALISE YOUR THE REASON I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF.
