What Happens in the House

ONE!

It’s so boring in the barn, Albert thinks and stomps his hoof angrily. Where are those people that always give me the burnt bacon!? He sighs, life is hard. He grunts and then trots angrily over to the barn doors. Ze stupid humans! Zey have padlocked ze door! he curses, suddenly deciding to be a French moose instead of whatever his original nationality was (probably Canadian). I must break through ze door!

He charges at it and manages to smash through it with his antlers, crushing the wooden door to pieces with a loud “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…SE!”

SUPER MOOSE! he sings, half trotting and half moose skipping across the garden. He performs a small celebratory dance to celebrate once again breaking out of his prison cell (also known as his bedroom) and canters excitedly round the garden.  NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA MOOSE MAN! he sings happily, deciding to work out his alter ego later when he goes off to save the world in his cape.

Albert trots towards the front door, trying to pick who his next victim/friend will be. He settles on going to retrieve his cape that was rudely confiscated from him earlier today just as his hind legs swiftly kick out and knock the door down. Looks like the door company will be paying another visit tomorrow! And maybe Animal Control if the neighbours complain again. Grunting, Albert makes his way up the stairs as quietly as he can – which, being the large moose he is, is not very quiet.

He knows this corridor well, having walked up it at least a hundred times. He flashes back to the first time he broke into the house because it was windy and he got scared and needed a hug, but he didn’t know how to get through the doors so he did the best thing he could think of and hid in the bathtub for safety. To this day he still doesn’t understand why everyone was so surprised to find him there in the morning!

Albert nudges the door with his nose, and it swings open. Point Albert! He trots it and makes himself comfortable next to the bed where the girl is sleeping peacefully with her arms wrapped around a photo of Alex Turner. Where is my dang cape!? he wonders, nosing around the cupboards and managing to knock a photo frame off a shelf with his antlers. Thankfully the girl doesn’t move and wraps her arms tighter around the picture mumbling, “Marry me Alex!”

Guess I’m going to have to wake her up! he decides, and begins nudging her in the back of her head, hoping to wake her up and hold her captive until she coughs up the cape. Well, hopefully that last part isn’t literally, she better not have eaten his cape or she’s going down, down, down!

“Alex, I’m busy!” she giggles, rolling onto her back, “Stop it!”

Albert continues nudging her as he continues to giggle and call him Alex. He doesn’t understand; who is this Alex!? Clearly he is not as handsome as Albert the Moose because that is impossible. Albert nudges her so she rolls onto her stomach, but all she does is laugh and mumble something about pens quietly. He sighs, time for desperate measures.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“EVIE WHAT’S WRONG ARE YOU BEING MURDERED!?”

Brodie comes charging into her room, armed with a lamp. Upon seeing the moose he lowers the lamp. “What happened? Why is Albert in here again?”

“HE BIT ME!” Evie cries, pointing to her neck where there are moose teeth marks. “I AM GOING TO SLAY ALL THE MOOSE!”

“Did you confiscate his cape again?”

“…Maybe.”

Brodie sighs, “Come on Albert, let’s get you outside. You’ve probably broken your barn doors again, so I’ll call the door company in the morning.” He turns to leave, gesturing badly as an attempt to make Albert follow him. “Goodnight Evie!”