The Day I Farted

          It was a normal day in my life, school, stuff, classes, bullies, and cute boys. I was so bored in class I practically fell asleep.

All was going fine until the bell rang. I was having the best dream, of dating whoever I wanted without a care in the world. But no. That had to end, UGH. Well, I went outside the school waiting for my huge Hummer to arrive. OK, well it wasn't exactly a huge hummer. It was a sort of Ford Festiva. Okay, I know, not so rich. Who gives a flip.

Anyway I was sitting there waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... ( This may take a while ) waiting... waiting.. till finally my dad showed up. I hate this part of the day, SOOOOOOOOOO EMBARRASSING. He honked the horn, everyone laughed, I wanted to die.

Anyway, he said ' Come on, your mum has dinner waiting.'  I got up and went to the car. As soon as I shut the door, the windscreen broke. Now everybody was laughing uncontrollably. OMG how can this get any worse. Anyway, dad drove off as quickly as a dog chasing a rabbit. He knew how I felt. 

At dinner, I looked at my plate. Broccoli, cauliflower, beans, peas, and a nice piece of steak. I said to mum, ' Aren't these tons of gas making foods?'  She said ' Well, yes. But I'm sure you will be fine.' Well, the next day I wasn't. I had gas in my stomach, guts, face, chest, butt (and I mean it was coming out already), brain, legs, feet, toes, arms, wrists, hands, fingers, OK, not that much but still, it was a lot.

I was at school, I was so lucky that I wasn't having popping farts, just ones that slowly eased out and sort of squealed but nobody heard. I  was sitting at my desk feeling like I was gonna explode. Just then, the teacher said "Class dismissed." Yay! Now to have lunch. NOT YAY. Today was nachos day! More beans!!! NOOO!!! I sat down with my nachos, they looked evil today, as if they were saying: EAT MEEEEE EAT MEEEEE AND GET GASSSS. My life absolutely sucks right now. Terrible gas and nachos for lunch.

I finished lunch. OMG, my stomach was on total gas making patrol. I had to go to science class, NOT GOOD. I was paired up with my crush. OMG, I was in love mode. But, then my life totally ended. I was looking at my crush ( Jack Parson ) so hot!!!! He has blue eyes, brown hair swayed to the side, and an absolutely  GORGEOUS smile. I was looking at him and not paying any attention to my experiment. It was bubbling away and I had no idea what was happening. Jack looked at me, he said "Um, your experiment?" I looked at the glass thingy were the stuff was mixing and practically screamed. I almost started crying. It was so embarrassing.

Science ended and it was time to go home. But then the teachers said "We have a surprise for your students." Oh great, this is going to be lame as. Just as I expected, all the students had to tell the other students and practically the whole school how they feel about the school. Tons of students were up there saying their speech. When Jack finished I was the loudest to clap. But when it was my turn, UH-OH.

My gas was moving very fast around my intestines. I slowly got up, walked shyly to the stage, and then began to talk. I was going on and on about how the school is good and I like it, when the microphone dropped. That was very embarrassing, but not as much as what happened next. 

I bent down. I put my hand on he microphone. I came back up. I took a deep breath in and...

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was this huge explosion of GURGLES!! STINK BOMBS!!!! METHANE!! AND A HUGE INCREASE IN GLOBAL WARMING!!!! 

I wanted to die right there and then. I wanted to die and disappear and never come back. And it sounded louder because the microphone was right near my butt!!! 

My bum hurt very bad. It was literally flapping when I farted. I looked at all the people. They all had their mouths wide open. Then all the students screamed like heck and ran out. But not Jerry Geld. He had passed out because of the smell. I just stood there, my mouth wide open. I burst out crying. I was so horribly embarrassed. I fell on the floor. I was so unhappy. I ran ASAP to the school phone. I called dad. He picked up and I screamed "Pick me up now!" He didn't stop to say what was wrong. He just put down the phone and got in the car and went.

When I heard his car I ran to it crying my eyes out. He didn't even bother asking he just drove me out of there. I was crying in the car wishing I could have gone back in time and not eaten all those gas making foods. I was crying and crying and crying. Then dad finally asked what was wrong. I said "I had a giant fart!!!!!" He didn't say anything after that. I knew he had a really puzzled look on his face. But then, the worst thing happened. Dad burst out laughing!!! Which made me cry even more!

We got home. I ran out of the car. I ran too my bedroom. And cried my self to sleep. The next day, I didn't go to school. I hardly thought about it. All I could think about was the almost fatal fart I had. It was the worst moment of my life!!! (Well, except five years later when I got dumped by my first boyfriend). Anyway, I was dying of sorrow. The worst part was that Jack Parson was right in the front.

So, I was at home and my mum had picked up some school work for me for the day. I finished it and just as I was opening the folder to put my homework in, all these letters flew out of the folder. They were all from my classmates! I opened them. I saved Jack Parson's one till last. When I came to his one it said:

Dear Rebecca,

         I am sorry for running out of the building after you have your, um, little toot. It just stunk soooo bad. I hope your not too embarrassed. I really hope you can come to school tomorrow. I kinda miss you.

            Sincerely, Jack.

Okay, first of all, It wasn't a "little toot" It was a total huge mega gigantic fart! And second of all, I am so embarrassed that i wanted to disappear. Typical boys. Anyway, It was from Jack so I don't mind. Also, he said he missed me!!!!!!! Take that you other girls!!! Anyway, mum told me to come downstairs for dinner. So I cam down.

At dinner I said "What are we having tonight?" She replied " Oh you know, Gas making foods."

                                                                                 THE END

Hey everybody! I can't believe it got this many reads! I fixed up some spelling errors, because I was around 12 when I wrote this lol. I'm 15 now and I'm thinking about many the third book, what do you guys think? I love all the feedback you guys are giving me <3 tell me in the comments if you would like the third book :) I'm thinking about calling it, The Day I Sharted xD I'm so weird, but aren't we all. Bye bye :D