Almost Lover {Kiingtong FF}

Chapter 19. Regrets

~~Chapter 19: Regrets~~

Warning! Next chapter is a cliffhanger...
Just letting you know since
you won't find out what happens
until chapter 21.

~Enjoy lovelies~
❤️

Will.

Only exactly a month now. Just a month I have to go through in order to see her again. Everyday now, that sick feeling I've had keeps growing and growing. I honestly have no clue why I keep having that strange feeling. It's all the same voices in my head. Same possibilities. Same everything.

Instead of everyday talking to each other, it's now every other day. Each time I just end up missing her even more. Nothing was making this feeling go down not even her. I know that it's just my nerves getting the best of me and everything, but I can't seem to let it go.

Each and every moment of everyday my mind focuses on her. Each minute that passes is one minute closer from me being with her again. I just want to be next to her now. I want to be able to have her in my arms. I want to tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she is.

I've never really given much thought to how my life would be if I hadn't met her, because I already know how it would be. I would still be that one British YouTuber who plays Minecraft everyday. I would be that one quiet guy in the corner who has no one to understand me properly. But with Isabel, I am being understood.

I feel like if I were to ever lose her, I would go completely numb. My life feels like nothing without her in it. My mind filled itself with the possibilities of me losing her now. No matter what I do, new images pop into my head and I hate it. I hate having to worry about the possibilities I'll have in the future. I know that I can't possibly lose her, but what if I did?

What if somehow we do end up losing each other? What if we somehow stopped loving each other? Am I wrong or am I right? Sometimes you just have to think about these things. I don't know why but you just have to. It's unavoidable.

Somethings I just can't help but to think about. What if we do end up separating? What will my life be like if that happened? I would be broken...that's how it would be. Maybe broken isn't even the word...maybe destroyed would be the right one.

I still can't shake off the feeling in my stomach that was somehow building again. I know that I shouldn't worry about any of this, but I am. I worried about losing her. I'm worried about losing her to someone else. Someone that wouldn't be me. Someone who couldn't possibly love her as much as me.

I heard this voice literally screaming inside my head telling me not to worry. Which I shouldn't. I really shouldn't be worrying about any of this because I have her. I have her and that's all that should really matter. But what if someday she decides that she doesn't want me? What if one day I feel like I don't want her anymore?

That can't possibly happen could it? Everyday with her it feels like I'm in this sort of fairytale. With her it's just different. My life's different with her in it. It feels like she's my whole life now. I can't possibly ever bring myself to the decision that I wouldn't want her anymore. She's too special for me to let go. Me and her until the end right?

Even if that day would come, and I'd lose her, I wouldn't stop loving her. Because I know that one day we'll end up falling for each other all over again. I'll keep loving her until her heart stops beating. That's just how it works. That's how love works...at least in my mind.

I know that I should just stop focusing on what could happen in the future, and just focus on right now. Because right now I have Isabel. I have her in my life, and that's all that matters. All that really matters is that I have her and I love her.

Sometimes I just feel like we're different with each other. It feels as if we've known each other for our whole lives. Maybe longer if that's even possible. What I should really focus on is just me and her. Because that's all I really believe in now. Just me and her. That's all that matters. And no one can ever change that even if they tried.

~~2 Weeks Later~~

What have I done? How could I ever be so stupid? How could I make such a huge mistake? It didn't mean anything. God! How could I be so stupid! I only had two more weeks and then I go and screw everything up! How could I just ruin everything?

Isabel hasn't been calling anymore because she doesn't have a phone with her. I began to go into a deep pool of sadness without hearing her voice. Now I've done this? Now I've possibly ruined everything. I'm not going to be the kind of guy to let this go. I have to tell her. She has the right to know.

'God Will! How could you ever make this huge of a mistake?' Just two weeks ago, I was telling myself that nothing could ever destroy us, but I guess I was wrong. I'm going to be the one to destroy the perfect relationship that we have. It just had to be me. Once she finds out, we're done.

She'll never want to see me ever again when I tell her. When I tell her, every in my life will just come tumbling down on me...again. I can't be that kind of guy to hide this...especially from her. I could never hide this from her. It would kill me. It's going to kill me even more when I see her heart break. It's bound to break when I tell her.

I've made such a huge mistake and I can't take it back. I need her right now. I need Isabel to be with me and comfort me, but she can't. It would pain me to see her. I don't know how this happened it just did. All because of my stupid decisions. If I had just convinced myself that I would be fine without Isabel for two more weeks, then I would've been fine, but now I'm not.

I think it's just my dumb, young conscience getting to me and everything because all I'm doing is stressing. But I have to. I have to deal with this now since I made this huge and unchangeable mistake. It's over and now I have to deal with it. I'm going to have to deal with her ending things between us once I tell her.

Once I tell her, nothing will be the same as it was before...absolutely nothing. Nothing can change this mistake. And there's no way that any apologies can change this mistake. Nothing can...that's just the way life works. That's how hearts break. That's how it is.

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😔What mistake? What did he do? Guess you just have to keep reading to find out...

Xoxo,
Isabelle.