A Look Inside

I Wish

I got asked to be child and write about my wishes.
When I was a child would have wished for a bicycle
I would have wished I was taller, older, and wiser.
Now that I am older I wish I was a child again.

I wish I was care free and innocent.
I wish I were twelve again.
I wish I were five again.
I wish I had never been born.
I wish I were a child again.
Exited to start my first day of first grade.

Instead I'm an almost eighteen year old that probably won't graduate.
I wish I hadn't been diagnosed with depression,
I wish I hadn't been diagnosed with anxiety.
I wish I wouldn't have to take antidepressants.
I wish I had never smoked my first cigarette.

I wish I didn't have scars on my arms, thighs and wrists.
I wish you could still see life in my eyes.
I wish to not have this ache in my chest.

I wish I could still enjoy the music I make.
I wish I could still find joy in life.
I wish I still had hope left.
I wish that wishes would come true

There isn't a genie or a fairy or a star for me to wish upon.
There is no one here but me.
Only I can stop harming myself.
Only I can bring myself out of my depression.
Only I can choose to move past my scars.
Only I can find my joy in my life.
Only I can bring back hope.

I will have to be my own genie.
I will have to be my own fairy.
I will have to be my own star.