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"Self-harm is a way of expressing and dealing with deep distress and emotional pain. As counterintuitive as it may sound to those on the outside, hurting yourself makes you feel better. In fact, you may feel like you have no choice. Injuring yourself is the only way you know how to cope with feelings like sadness, self-loathing, emptiness, guilt, and rage."
How to stop yourself from doing it:
Go somewhere you cannot cut yourself. If you're at home, go lie on your bed. Bring your phone and a pen and paper with you but nothing else. Sort of like giving yourself a grown-up time out. If you're not at home, find a seat out in the open. A park bench, a lobby chair, and plant yourself there. Remember: "This too shall pass."
Right now is all about distractions. If you can make a phone call, do so. You don't have to tell the other person on the line the issue right now, but talk to them about something. Anything. They'll take you away from this moment.
If you can't make a phone call, find something to concentrate on (that's what the pen and paper are for -- we'll get to those in a bit). Make yourself physically uncomfortable. Is the sun painfully bright? Great, stay right there. Is your butt falling asleep? Fantastic. There's one typo on this page -- can you find it? Betcha can't.
Speak out loud about what is causing you so much pain. Talk about it - even to yourself in the privacy of your bedroom. It will release tension, relaxing you and allowing time for the urge to pass. Talking out loud in clear, understandable words will make your situation clearer and easier to resolve. It should relax you and let you breathe a little easier.
If writing it down seems safer and more helpful, do so. Grab the nearest pen, crayon, tube of lipstick, whatever, and get it out. Bottling it up makes everything (everything) worse.
Try the butterfly method. When you have the urge to cut, draw a butterfly where you want to harm yourself and name it after a loved one, or someone that wants you to get better. If you cut, the butterfly dies. You have to wash it off. If it wears off (and you didn't cut), it is released into the wild to be free. Congratulations -- you made it.
Another idea is the pen method. Grab a red pen and draw lines (or squiggles or peace signs or whatever floats your boat) all over where'd you cut. When you're done, count the lines. That's how many scars you won't have. Awesome.
If you can, tell someone you trust about what's happening. This is one of the hardest things to do, but it's also one of the most important. Building a stable support system for yourself can help you transition from cutting to recovery. Confide in a close family member, friend or member of your clergy or congregation.
Tell someone who can make your situation better, not worse. For instance, it's probably not a good idea to confide in a fellow cutter - you might find yourselves discussing methods and incidents, instead of focusing on recovery. Rather, choose a person you trust and respect, who seems capable of helping you improve.
Try to overcome any feelings of shame, if only for a moment. All you need is long enough to get the words out. If you've chosen someone trustworthy to tell, he or she will care enough about you to focus on helping you instead of making you feel worse.
Don't be discouraged if your confidant's initial response is shock, fear or disgust. Many people who have never cut themselves can't understand why you would do something like that to yourself, but that doesn't mean they're unwilling to listen and be compassionate.
Request that the people you tell about your cutting keep the matter private. Explain that it will be helpful for you to know that the issue is being kept between just the two of you, so that you can feel like you're in control of your recovery.
Ask this person if you can talk to him or her when you feel like harming. Having someone to confide in when you feel bad can distract you from cutting, and ultimately speed your recovery. The request doesn't have to be elaborate - something as simple as "Would it be OK for me to call you when I feel like hurting myself, so maybe we can talk about it instead and I'll be distracted?" will suffice. Chances are this person will be more than happy to support you in this way.
If you don't feel like you can talk to anyone in your life about cutting, call a hotline. Crisis hotline staff are trained to provide support and offer you alternatives to self harming. If you haven't gathered the courage to open up to someone close to you yet, then talking anonymously on an untracked hotline would be a good idea. Make a habit of doing this when you would usually cut.
Here are some numbers to try within the US:
1-800-273-TALK (8255): National Suicide Prevention Hotline, a 24-hour crisis line for if you're about to self-harm.
1-800-334-HELP (4357): The Self-Injury Foundation's 24-hour crisis line.
1-800-366-8288: S.A.F.E. Alternatives information line for immediate support and/or referrals to a local physician .
For the UK, try these numbers:
Call the Samaritans at 08457 90 90 90. They're an agency that runs 24/7 dedicated to moments like these.
Childline (for children and teens) can be reached at 0800 1111. The number is free and will not show up on your phone bill.[1]
If you are outside the US and the UK, visit www.befrienders.org for hotline information in your country.
If you need to hurt yourself, do it in a controlled and less harmful way. A good idea is to wear a rubber band around your wrist. Every time you want to cut, snap the rubber band against your wrist instead. You can also draw on your wrist with red pen, or rub an ice cube on your wrist. Although all of these cause some immediate pain, it is much milder, much less dangerous, and doesn't leave scars.
Another option, which is good for people who are allergic to latex, would be to grab a handful of ice cubes and hold them for a minute or two until your hands hurt and then let go of them. Screaming at the top of your lungs into a pillow helps as well.
Know that you are loved. If you can't come up with a single soul who loves you, then you're simply not looking in the right places. Someone loves you and doesn't want you to be harmed. There is good out there. There are people who care.
You've probably done a good job thus far of hiding this habit. The only reason people may seem like they don't care is because they simply don't know. If they knew, they would change. You have to let them know how they can help.
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