lost and found | gilinsky

2.2

Jack Johnson

"I thought maybe you would've skipped," Mallory says, sitting down beside me. She steals the remote control out of my hands but I don't complain. I've had it for ten minutes now and haven't even turned the TV on yet.

I shrug, glancing at Mom, who has her back towards me as she peaks into the fridge. I'm so hungry but I haven't eaten in protest of Mom forcing me to go to school tomorrow.

"I was not letting him miss his first day back at UNO," Mom calls out. "We're lucky that school didn't kick him out."

"They're pretty lenient," Mallory informs, settling on the Hallmark channel. Some cheesy movie about a hockey player is on and I have to fight the urge to sulk up to my room and be by myself.

"Exactly why they wouldn't have minded me missing my introduction classes," I mutter, staring up at the ceiling.

Mallory nudges me with her elbow. "It's better this way," she insists.

I stay silent, not wanting to further the conversation. To me, it's worse this way. I didn't want to go back to UNO - not without Sam. I've been dreading this moment since Gilinsky brought up his whole 'let's all whip it at college' idea.

Sam was in a lot of my classes. I wasn't alone because I always had him, but everything's different now. I've never really been a dependent person, but when it came to Sam during college I stuck to him like glue. Same for Gilinsky when I went to New York. The thought of having nobody scared the crap out of me.

One thing I'm really thankful for is the fact that UNO is only a couple minutes away, so I live at home instead of dorming there. I couldn't imagine having roomed with Sam only to have to be placed with someone new this year. Also, it saved a lot of money.

Mallory lives at her place too, considering she also goes to UNO, which in a way is kind of convenient because at least I won't be one-hundred percent alone, even though I didn't see it that way after I broke up with her.

I didn't plan on rekindling any sort of relationship with Mallory when I first came back to Omaha, but then the whole party thing happened and I wasn't able to get her off my mind. And then Hannah completely shot me down by telling me she wasn't apart of the whole me getting my act together thing, that Mallory was.

It took me a while to understand what she meant, but now I'm starting to. Ever since Mal and I started talking again I've been getting better, and my mental state has improved a lot. Hers has as well. I've been weening her off weed for a couple months now and she's doing okay, which makes me happy. It's almost as if we've gone back in time and things are like they used to be - almost.

The only thing worrying me about all this is how Hannah's doing. She's starting at Clarkson college on the twenty-sixth, but that's only thing I really know because I haven't talked to her in weeks. I've been meaning to ask Nadia and Gilinsky if they've spoken to her, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

After Sam passed things had been iffy with all of us, but as time went on and wounds were in the process of being healed, our lives went back to normal. Well, as normal as they were going to get with everything that happened.

But out of all of us Hannah still seemed the most changed. She'd gotten a bit distant, even when she was with all of us, and she's less open to talking about things now. I get that she has her reasons for how she's coping, especially since she was the one who witnessed the shooting, but I just wish I could understand more of what she's going through.

Hannah Williams

I'm sitting in my new car (graduation gift from my parents, perk of being an only child) with my left blinker on, waiting for my opportunity to turn into the cemetery, but when it finally comes I don't let my foot leave the brakes.