I refuse to leave you alone, so just accept it and kneel on the floor. Clasp your hands for prayer. You'll beg for me to go away and I'll hope for the death of everything new. Together, we'll fly forever.. But you're my girl, do its alright. You stung me, but I don't mind.. After we're done, we'll rest on the moon and burn ice. We'll kill a carcass and feed off the Sun.. But you're my baby girl, so its alright. Please don't hurt me, but if you do, I won't mind.. Look at me, watch me. Watch me touch you.. I see a dark mirror in April, and I hear lights. We blow firecrackers and feed off of the Sun..
Ryan is not the only one. Meg is also gone forever, but not by death.
Meg is in jail for "rape."
I never called it so, but Meg turned herself in for it. She was always too good of a person for herself.
Meg and I had sex.
It hurts to write that. Meg and I made love was more like it, but she didn't present it that way. The day Ryan left me forever was also the day that Meg left.
I was left alone in the world in the world in a span of 24 hours. It's pretty fucked up, so quickly ones life could turn upside down. It's crazy how fast everything fell apart.
Meg and I were fast paced too. Meg held interest for me the second time she saw me; for individual therapy. She told me she could make me feel better. I said ok.
All I wanted was too feel better.
The therapist now tells me that she was going through personal things, and she wanted someone else to feel her pain. I still never quite got that part because I never felt pain with Meg. I felt euphoric. I felt at peace.
Nevertheless, Meg and I were very active. Every Wednesday, we would do something. I'll never forget the last time..
***
I was smiling as I walked towards the receptionists desk. The woman smiled at me, called Meg. I sat down, but before long Meg was smiling at me and telling me to follow her. We went to her room, closed and locked the door. She leaned in, kissed me without a word. I kissed back, held on to her. She bit my lip, and I smiled.
We went on to make love, a sticky situation in an office as always.
When we were both exhausted, she pulled her clothes back on, and I did too.
She sat at her desk, put her head in her hands, and wept. I was alarmed. I had never seen her cry, and I had never planned on it.
"Meg? Whats wrong?"
"I'm turning myself in. Tonight."
I was confused. "What did you do?"
"Rape you."
I swallowed hard, shook my head. "No. I love you. You never raped me."
"Baby, you're 16. I'm 27. We're 11 years apart. That's rape." She was crying hysterically, and even when I tried to hold her, she turned away. I reached under her desk, hit the emergency button, unlocked the door.
I ran out, away from her. Away from the clinic. Away from the truth. I ran all the way to Ryans house, which was roughly 10 blocks away.
I used my key to open the door. Smoke flooded the house. I blinked, coughed.
I ran upstairs, to Ryans room.
I saw him them. Curled up in a ball on the floor, blood flowing from his wrists. I screamed, rushed over to him.
"Ryan? Oh my God, what have you done?"
He was paler than snow, but he smiled.
"I love you." He whispered. I cried, yelled, "No! I love you too! Please, don't leave me, please!"
But I was too late. As the last please left me, the last breath was taken for Ryan.
I learned later on that nothing I could've done would've saved him. His cuts could not have been stitched, and he took far too many migraine extra strength pills. A total count of 150.
That didn't matter then, though. I wept, laid down next to him on the floor. Then I spoke to him. I told him about Meg, and how much I loved them both. I eventually got up, called 911. They described me as "spaced out and in a daze" when they found us. My hair was soaked in blood, and so were my lips. I had kissed his scars.
They drove me to an emergency room, where I saw on TV that Meg was being tried for rape and Ryans suicide story had hit breaking news.
The news described me as a "Sullen Girl". I was pissed, but tired. I wanted Meg. I wanted Ryan. I wanted music...
I got music when Claire came. She was crying, and she hugged me close. I was numb. I wanted to die, but I knew better than to say that.
Claire gave music. I skipped all Tool and all Slipknot. When Chevelle came on, I skipped and cried. I was sent home that night, with nightmares for days. I could not sleep. I did not go to school. I refused food.
I was 50 pounds lighter than before when they sent me away.
