It's Not Like I Planned It This Way (Watty Awards 2013)

hymns

i wanted to explain to you

why we couldn't be together

but i knew it would come out wrong

and i'd ruin everything we had

we had a lot

my mother was a catholic 

she hauled me to church every sunday

and forced me to sing the hymns 

or else i'd get a spanking

she had the belt stashed in her purse

it was leather

we often  went to fancy dress stores

and bought dresses

that looked like cow vomit

but was the equivalent to the price of diamonds

i didn't complain

i didn't want my butt cheek to feel leather

it didn't feel good

so i sang the hymns

and blessed our food

and attended every church bake sale

if my mother knew

about us

i'd not only feel leather

i'd eat it, too

and leather doesn't taste like butterfingers.