Talking to William // l.p [discontinued]

Chapter Five - Life's Greatest Secrets Ever

Five – Life's Greatest Secrets Ever

William.

@Williams_Secret.The boy on twitter.

He seems nice enough I guess. We’ve been talking on twitter for a few weeks now. It’s been a month and a bit since I first came in. Nobody has said anything to me, but I can tell by their expressions that I’m getting worse.

I glance over at the doctor, buzzing around my room checking various pumps and chords. He smiles at me and pats my knee before going back to fiddling with everything. I roll my eyes and glance down at the phone in my hands.

I tap on Will’s profile picture; a photo of Niall Horan. I smile at his choice.

He told me he was a boy Directioner and completely straight, to which I had laughed quietly, giggling silently in my sterile hospital room. It’s not that I didn’t believe him; I just found it a little amusing.

I told the young nurse; whose name I found out was June, about William and she seemed happy for me. I also found out that she was mute and partially deaf. She had tried teaching me basic sign language, like ‘my name is. . .’ and a few words.

Apparently I failed, because June had laughed at all my attempts. Which had made me giggle as well, because her laugh was just her scrunching up her face and letting these breathy sighs escape, almost sounding like a dying animal.

I’ve told William about my heart problems and about Anthony. I decided that, seeing as I was never going to meet him, I couldn’t get embarrassed by all the stuff that was wrong with me. All my flaws I laid out in front of him, through direct message.

In return he told me about being bullied all through his school life and not having many friends. He said the boys of One Direction helped him regain his confidence. He said they made him happy and that he thought of them as his brothers, which I thought was a bit strange. I mean, he didn’t even know them personally.

I glance up again and see the room empty, the only sound being the repetitious beeping of the machines and my shallow and faint breathing. I pull in a breath, trying to breathe as deeply as possible before letting it all out.

If it had been colder in the room, I would have been able to see my breath floating through the air before dissipating. I slump back into the bland hospital pillows and hold the phone tighter in my hands. At the moment Will and I were talking about previous girlfriends/boyfriends. He didn’t believe that for me there had only ever been Anthony. Never had a boyfriend or even been kissed before Ant.

I reply to Will;

@Williams_Secret but the sort of sucky thing is, time doesn’t necessarily heal all wounds. Sometimes, it just makes the wounds worse.

***

I suppose the thing is that because Ant was my first love, the pain of having my heart broken, quite literally, will always stay with me. I don’t suppose I’ll always be quite as happy as I once was either, I won’t feel the same love as I did for Anthony. When you’re in love you’re happy, your smile is bigger and you get a bounce in your step.

You want to see that person all the time; you want them to be happy as well. And for a while you are. But then it’s all taken from you, and you’re left with nothing.

You don’t smile like you used to, the bounce has gone away and you’re left feeling like dirt.

 Because when you're in love, the world is brighter. Sunnier. The air smells flowerier, and your hair silkier, and suddenly you find yourself smiling at babies and strangers and old couples walking down the beach holding hands. You smile because now you're in one of life's Greatest Secrets ever.