The Scars That Followed

Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning curled up on my bed; my throat was dry from all the crying last night. No, I am not suffering from depression at least I hope not, I just cry myself to sleep every night because every time I close my eyes I see my dad’s face, him smiling at me. Even though it’s been 6 years, I still feel the pain and loss inside me. I was really close to my dad, closer to him than my mom, I had always been. During the early days after his death, I used to just sit in my room and think, think about what went wrong? What made him leave us like this? Did I say something? Did I do something to hurt him? I used to wake up screaming for him, my mom used to calm me down and I used to hug her and cry all night. 

The man who taught me how to be brave and how to never give up, gave up on his life? Sometimes it angered me, the hypocrisy, he taught me to live and be bold and he did not remember his words when he held that gun to his head? Never did it occur to him what it would be like for us? Never did he think that he had a responsibility to his daughter and wife? I have so many questions unanswered. Who do I ask? My mom? She starts crying every time I bring that day up, my other family members? They didn’t even care to look after us after dad passed away. Nobody answers anymore so I have stopped asking questions.

I rolled out of bed and went up to my closet. I took out my blue tank top and my hoodie and some faded blue jeans. I went in my bathroom and took a quick shower.  I knew my eyes and nose would still be pink because of the crying episode but I had to minimize the effect. I did not want anyone staring at me, well that is not possible but still. I stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, quickly drying up myself. I wrapped another towel around my head and put on my jeans and tank top. I was in a hurry. I wanted to leave before Andy showed up; I shivered at his name. Yes, I was scared, scared of him. I quickly dried my hair and grabbed my hoodie putting it on as I grabbed my backpack and ran downstairs. I was just about to leave when I heard him call me.

‘Emily?’ he said coming out of the kitchen. He looked at me smirking; his eyes wandered up and down my body. I looked down and zipped up my hoodie. I looked away from him trembling slightly.

‘I missed you,’ he said taking a step closer. I stepped back placing my hand on the doorknob.

‘I have to go,’ I said looking down afraid to meet his gaze, my hand shaking on the doorknob.

‘Oh yes, you have school. Its okay, we’ll catch up when I come back from work,’ he said smiling at me stepping forward closing the space between us. I tried stepping back but I couldn’t the door was painfully pushing to my back. He placed a hand on my cheek and I moved away from his touch. He bent his head down and kissed my cheek. I turned around instantly and yanked open the door stepping out. I walked briskly out of the door; I exhaled realizing I was holding my breath. I shuddered at the thought of going back to the house, but I had to, I couldn’t leave my mom.

I had to get my mom into a Rehabilitation Centre. But I needed to go to college and take her with me. I would then let her go into Rehab. I didn’t want any of us to be near this place, near him.

I walked to school thinking of ways to not go back and praying that Andy somehow vanishes but that wasn’t happening. I sighed as I entered the hallway making my way to the locker. I pulled out my chemistry notebook and made my way to class. I took my seat and opened my notebook still thinking about what happened. Thinking about whatever that has been happening. How did my life get so messed up? How did I get so weak? I blinked and saw a small drop of clear liquid fall on my notebook spreading the ink on the page as it soaked in before I was shaken from my thoughts.

‘Hey are you okay?’ I heard a voice next to me.

I looked up shocked and saw Jason looking at me worriedly, his eyes widened when he saw me. Yes I am probably all red again. Why did I have to start crying now? I looked away from him and wiped my eyes with my hoodie’s sleeve.