Harmless Things (Jean Hobbs AU)

Part twenty-three

Jack P.O.V.

I tapped my pen against the desk, trying to concentrate on what Mr Ledley was saying. We had moved on fractions in maths and they were my weakest topic in the subject, I just couldn't get my head around them. I let my eyes slid left to the empty seat where Dean should be, and I could imagine how he'd teach them to me in a way that I'd understand and then he'd get on with the questions we were set with a small smile on his face, even though he would be totally worn out. 

The last time I saw him was the 'incident', the one where I kissed him and I told him I loved him. I still didn't know why I did that and I had probably confused him into oblivion, but still, that was almost one month ago now and I wondered if that kept him away from school, but I hadn't seen his brother dawdling in the corridors either so it could be something to do with their sister. 

I always had urge to go up to the hospital to see him, but now I was constantly out with my friends to try and make up the short period of hardly any communication with them and I don't think he would want to see me anyway. It was almost like I had never met Dean and it was December again, but unlike December, my smile was forced for the majority of the time and I was missing a short brunette that had my friends had physically and verbally bullied because of a lie I told. 

There was just a small part of me was glad that he hadn't been coming to school because it meant I wouldn't have to see those sad eyes and hunched up posture, and I didn't have to worry about him getting hurt. My friends were pretty loyal to obeying what I say, but that was only when they were in my sight.

Only when I was alone at night in my bedroom with the door closed, I would let myself think about Dean while I lay on my back with my hands behind my head, staring up at the ceiling. I was aching for him so much I could feel it physically, and it hurt. 

I missed Dean. I missed watching him poke his tongue out in concentration when we played Mario Kart. I missed how easily he would blush when we were together. I missed feeling him innocently slipping his hand into mine. I missed him looking up at me and smiling and every now and then. I missed our long goodbye hugs. I missed making him feel safe. I missed holding him in my arms when we were in bed together about to fall asleep. 

I knew I had to admit it to myself that what we had wasn't 'friendship', we acted more like we were in a relationship, and even though I loved every minute of it, I didn't want to be gay. I didn't want to be in love with another boy. I didn't want to be in love with my best friend, but I was. I was head over heels in love with Dean Dobbs, and I hated it. 

* * * 

When the final bell of the day starting ringing, I picked up my things and left the classroom without a backwards glance. 

"Jack!" I rolled my eyes but didn't stop walking as Sebastian caught up and fell into step with me. "Are you hanging out with us today?"

"Nah, parents want to go out for dinner," it was blatant lie but he seemed to believe me and shrugged and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Okay, see you later!" And with that he left me, giving me space to breathe and time to think on my own.

I started my journey home, oblivious to pretty much everything until I saw a small figure not too far ahead of me. He was slim with a mop of dark hair, wearing just a casual outfit with his hands in his pockets. My heart started racing when I realised who it was and I picked up my pace to catch him up. When I just behind him I put a hand on his shoulder and he flinched and turned to look at me. 

"Dean?" 

"Jack! I... I don't know what I'm doing here. I was just leaving..." he moved out from under my hold but I took hold of his arm instead.