I had a friend with anorexia and something so simple triggered her into anorexia and i felt bad for her. So i wrote just a bit about what happened.
Well… where do I start? I had been anorexic for 4 years. I had anorexia when I was 13 years old. I don’t really know what happened. It had been a nice day, we were in the city with my friends and has we were going around we saw this fat lady and one of my friends started laughing at the way she looked. I felt bad because it was not easy for her to walk, or just do a simple thing as picking up something. When I looked at her she was not happy, she did not have anyone to look after her, and all she wanted was to fit in the society, and that was difficult because she did not look like anyone else… since seeing that all I wanted to do was to go and hide because I never knew how people viewed me. It’s not like I was fat I was just a normal teenage girl, many people told me I had a great body but from that day I never believed it and I never wanted to be like that woman so helpless, unloved, unrecognised any bad thing you can think of. From that day I did all I can to reduce my weight, I did not know this became an obsession and did not realise that I had started skipping my lunch just to make sure I was not getting fat …
This became more intense because I started having 1 meal a day and I would throw food away. No one knew about this, I was good at hiding those kinds of things. My grandmother and my friends would tell me I was getting thin and I would argue saying I was fat. Each time I looked in the mirror I would see a reflection of myself and I would think I was fat so that made me to be more self-conscious and I stopped eating for at least one day. If I ate yesterday I will not eat today, and that continued for a long time until my grandmother said I needed help. I would refuse to go anywhere I would just close any one who wanted to be close to me, most of the time I would be sitting in the chair watching TV seeing celebrities on the red carpet, there were so confident with the way they looked and that made me want to be like them. For me to be like that I had to do more than I was doing, I needed to do more exercises and not to eat much, I started hiding so that no one can force me to eat and I can control how much I eat and when I want to eat. Most of the time I will be with my cat, it surprised me how much it ate and never worried about getting fat or any one saying bad things about it. I wanted to be like that but I knew that was impossible for me.
In the process of all this and because I was shutting everyone out, my friends left me they thought I was not good for them… practically they told me I was looking like a stick and they would not walk with me around looking like that, I was upset at first but at the same time I was happy because they won’t have to trouble me or I will not listen to them planning about how they will spend their weekends. Basically I was withdrawn from life, I thought if I go out everyone is going to laugh at me if my own friends can abandon me what about someone who does not know me..?
I did not know how bad it had become, if it is not for my grandmothers determination I would be in the hospital or… dead. I had become so thin that I was scared of myself I missed the old me, the way I was looking going out with my friends and having fun. But I did not know how I was going to go back. Each time I slept I thought it was my last day and each time I looked at myself I did not feel or see any fresh and all I saw were bones and at this time I was only weighing 25 kg. This costed me a lot, I was not able to do things I used to do I was like the woman we saw and I felt helplessness, unhappy and I just wanted to be me again.
This was hard it caused me emotional, social and psychological problems. I felt gross, disgusting, and worthless I hated myself, and I did not like my body but somehow along those things I managed to get through even if I am still recovering. I am looking like a normal person and I am happy about it, I will never try to go hungry and I would eat to give my body the energy that it needs and my old life is slowly coming back.
So there you have it, this is some of the things that happened to her. Please!!! don't forget to comment, vote or critise (honestly) feel free to do anything
carol
